College Students Finally Get Safe Spaces On UCSC Campus

"Aside from the color white, this is definitely the safe space we’ve all been fighting for” says student activists

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SANTA CRUZ – Oppressed students of all genders (except straight men) and colors (except whites) can now safely express their views without any fear of facing bigotry, hatred, and intolerance within the newly-constructed safe space rooms within the Safe Space Complexes located across the University of California, Santa Cruz campus.

“It is with great honor that I declare our Safe Space Complex open to UCLA Santa Cruz students!” University Chancellor George Blumenthal announced in the opening ceremony.

The UCSC Dean of Students Office released the features and other amenities of the On-Campus Safe Spaces:

  • Fully-padded floors, walls, and ceilings made out of the finest Supima cotton sourced directly from free trade farm-to-market suppliers.
  • Safety Jackets to further protect students from all bodily harm.
  • On-call nurses, therapists, and doctors in the Safe Space Complexes around the university.
  • Television sets locked to MSNBC, CNN, CBS, PBS, and ABC.
  • Television re-runs of Barack Obama’s speeches.
  • Portraits of Bernie Sanders and/or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
  • Starbucks kiosks with only gluten-free drinks.

Our students have been through a lot since President Trump came into office. They have suffered microaggression after microaggression these past two years. We were hoping that the #BlueWave during the 2018 midterms would give our student some relief, but the Republicans only gave the Democrats a slight edge in the House. As educators, we can no longer stand idly by as our students toil in their suffering from a man they’ll never meet

  • Dean of Students Office in a public statement after the opening ceremony.

Other liberal universities such as Harvard, Yale, Brown, and Georgetown are in the process of constructing their own Safe Space Complexes in preparation for the 2020 Presidential elections.


The creator of NPC Daily. The mastermind behind the entire NPC Daily movement. Yes, this entire website is satire and not meant to be taken seriously. It's for fun. Chill. See "about" page for more details. Now that we got that taken care of, repeat after me: "Orange man the absolute worst."
Back to top button