In a controversial but necessary push from the liberal left, a group of millennial political activists from UC San Francisco has come up with a revolutionary new way to tally votes of marginalized communities. Since we know that people of color and members of the LGBTQBR community do not have their fair share of representation in any of the three branches of government, it’s only fitting for there to be reasonable distribution of vote bonus based on placement in the intersectionality hierarchy of victim hood.
The only demographic whose vote counts will not change will be that of straight white males. One straight white male vote will count for one vote. Since white males are the majority in the country, they should receive no further privileges.
The idea is simple. The more privileged you are, the closer to 1 your vote will count. The less privileged you are, the more your vote will count. With straight white males being the most privileged demographic, the proposition is for the following illustrates how many votes will be counted for each demographic:
- Straight white male – 1.00
- Straight white female – 1.25
- Straight male of color – 1.50
- Gay white male – 1.50
- Straight female of color – 1.75
- Gay white females – 1.75
- Gay males of color – 2.00
- Gay females of color – 2.25
- Transgender white male to female – 2.50
- Transgender white female to male – 2.50
- Undocumented male person of color – 2.75
- Undocumented female person of color – 2.75
- Non-binary transgender white person – 2.75
- Non-binary transgender person of color – 3.00
- Undocumented non-binary Muslim disabled transgender obese person of color – 3.50
With this new set of intersectionally sensitive vote numbers, marginalized groups will finally receive the representation they deserve in the United States. The political activists from UCSF have already garnered over 90,000 signatures from the residence of San Francisco alone. Unsurprisingly, less than .05% of the signatures were from straight white males. As it turns out, white males don’t want to lose their precious privilege. Shocker.
Diversity is our strength and it’s about time we as a country start acting like it. If votes from different marginalized groups are worth more than privileged straight white males, the tables will be balanced. We would never have to worry about a conservative being elected again – and this is a good thing.