Politics

Over 300 Chihuahuas Incarcerated at Mexican Border

Trump orders dogs held without bail

We all have a soft spot for dogs. Except for President Trump, who ordered Border Animal Control (BAC) agents to lock up a small caravan of 300 undocumented Mexican Chihuahas. The little dogs were found trying to cross the border to seek jobs, free housing, free medical care, free college degrees, and food. “If they can’t prove who they are we will lock them up and send them back home.” said Trump while golfing in Florida. “These are not good dogs, they are bad dogs, very bad dogs, the worst dogs anywhere.”

Needless to say, there has been a worldwide outcry for the little dogs’ immediate release. In Florida today, Nadia Padilla-Cortez, Vice Chairperson of Chihuahas Sin Fronteras (CSF), pleaded, “Please, Trump, you allow German Shepards and Russian Wolfhounds to cross the border as they please! Please let these little dogs go!”

Trump answered, “Quiet! Or we will kick you out of here and your little dogs too!”

Trump explained further, “Some of these little ankle biters bared their teeth at BAC officers; I’ve ordered special forces that the baring of teeth and growling is to be considered an act of war and to respond with deadly force. Shooting them would be cheaper than housing and feeding these mongrels.”

Most of the dogs are orphans, and many need medical attention. “Why should we pay for it? Tell the dogs to start a Go Fund Me, we take care of American dogs first.” barked Trump after slicing a drive on the first tee.

Padilla-Cortez and other animal rights activists were then hustled off the grounds of Mar-e-Lago’s championship golf course. “No dogs allowed!” laughed Trump, snapping open a can of beer.

An emergency vote on the plight of the jailed Chihuahas is expected today at the United Nations subcommittee on Crimes Committed by Nationalists.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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