Culture

Trump approves “Furry” hunting license

Not even the Furries are safe anymore

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Written by Neville Percival Croft

NOTE: THIS IS SATIRE AND IS IN NO WAY CALLING FOR ACTUAL VIOLENCE. NPC DAILY IN NO WAY CONDONES VIOLENCE. THE FOLLOWING IS FICTION AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Trump’s America claims another ethnic minority as a victim, this time being the humble Furry community. The new Furry Hunting License has been overwhelmingly approved by the Republican party despite fierce resistance from Democrats who want to give the people of Fur protected status.

Furries mourn the loss of their fallen comrades who were skinned by the hunters

Many Furries have refused an interview in order to conceal their identities in these dark times but we have been able to question a member of the Furry-Transgender Alliance known as Clyde Uric Carter Kevinson who prefers to go by xir fursona: Blaze Thunderwolf. We asked what xir thought about this pressing issue.

“I haven’t felt safe since the evil orange menace declared this new license. No longer can I express my culture by wearing my Fursuit in public and no longer can I masturbate in the dog park anymore without fear of being sniped. Just yesterday, twelve cis white heterosexual males with rifles chased me through a forest after they caught me stroking their pitbull. I managed to escape and hide in my mom’s basement for a week. I can’t even. I’m too afraid to walk outside anymore. I don’t want to be some Neo Nazi’s carpet rug.”

  • Blaze Thunderwolf, Chairperson of the Furry-Transgender Alliance.

Ever since the incident, Blaze has fled xir home state to live with xir boyfriend and fellow Furry survivors in a sanctuary in California. There, the now endangered people of Fur may live in harmony and continue to practice their dynamic and brave culture without being persecuted.

Furries flee hunters and make their way on a dangerous pilgrimage to California

Trump has made a statement on the issue after being questioned furiously by NPC Daily reporters. Here’s what he had to say:

“We can’t have these f*cking freaky c*nts going around raping our cats and dogs. My hamster got raped twice last week. Enough is enough. I’ll kill all of those hamster f*ckers if I have to and no retarded Democrat is going to stop me. If they want to be animals, we can shoot them like animals!”

Quite frankly this is blatant Furryphobia and it has gone on for too long. Many other Furry allies believe that the Furry community has been marginalized for far too long and it’s disgusting that Furries are not being classed as part of the LGBTQRSTUV+ community. Xenophobic bigotry and stereotyping of Furries has become widespread in Trump’s America. First the Mexicans, then the Muslims and now the Furries. Who will the Trump regime go after next? We here at NPC Daily stand with Blaze Thunderwolf and all people of Fur and demand that this license be repealed.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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