Written by Neville Percival Croft
Move over bigoted STEM subjects, it’s time for students to learn something that will actually benefit our society. For a long time, going to college has been a pointless waste of money. After all, who in their right mind would want to learn about science, business or mathematics when you could go out and resist the patriarchy instead?
Well, change has arrived. Gender studies is the hip new kid on the block and is swiftly becoming the most popular and fulfilling subject to study.
Gender studies is an incredibly-complex yet meaningful subject that equips budding young minds with a variety of skills such as how to identify a cis white male or what to do if someone is manspreading. Students will embark on an insightful journey over the course of a few years and discover over 312 different genders and their corresponding pronouns.
Gender Studies classrooms are equipped with state-of-the-art safe spaces and crying closets in case of emergencies and any student deemed hateful is expelled permanently. Only the most up-to-date findings are used in the handy Gender Studies learning guides and encyclopedias.
We managed to interview a Gender Studies graduate and asked xir what xe thought about the subject.
As a disabled gender-fluid transpecies pansexual, I was delighted to hear about Gender Studies being available at my local college. By enrolling, I discovered more about my gender identity as well as countless others that even I didn’t know existed. I got a masters degree and later a PhD in Gender Studies. Now I work at Starbucks, and life has never been better. With the valuable skills I picked up from this course, I can now protest much more effectively. If more young persons of unassumed gender were to learn this subject, Drumpf would be gone by tomorrow.
- Nathaniel Perry Corten, professional protestor and outspoken member of the Furry-Transgender Alliance.
Sadly, not everyone is fond of this brave new subject taking the academic world by storm. Many of the usual bigots like Neo-Nazi Ben Shapiro have taken to wrongfully criticizing Gender Studies and slandering it’s good name. NPC Daily interviewed a physics professor who has spoken against Gender Studies being taught at colleges across the US.
“There are only two genders and when people say otherwise they are lying to you. Gender Studies is a useless subject that will not benefit you at all in your career. By the end of it, you’ll either be a professor brainwashing the next generation or working at Starbucks.”
- Professor Manfred Malesworth, sexist, homophobic bigot.
Fortunately, Professor Malesworth was fired and re-educated shortly after this shocking interview. However, it is important to note that the most important reason for anyone to take up Gender Studies at college is that they can make a difference in the fight against Trump’s America. With more and more young people developing a keen interest in the subject, hope of a brighter future is on the horizon. It’s only a matter of time.
Diversity is our strength.