Tumblr proposes to ban cisgendered white males and why that might actually be a good thing

Increased toxic masculinity and slumping rates spur radical proposition in Tumblr

We all know how entertaining and educational Tumblr is – yet the social media mid-major has suffered poor ratings for years, with their worst drop after Tumblr banned pornography.

“We just wanted to prune back a little; but we lost most of our users when we banned porn.” explained Mai Lell Broony, acting COO of Tumblr.

The CEO N. Petr Cuckhauld explained in an NPC Daily exlcusive interview about the nature of their bold move. “We had to be radical, Radicals are good. Both Abraham Lincoln and Alexandria Ocasio-Ortez are radicals. So if we are radical we are morally right.”

We are banning straight white men, period. This makes sense. First, we dont have any left after we banned porn. Second, we have seen twitter and facebook punish straight white males, and they are still popular. Its a win-win

“Who is going to complain? Any one who does is simply a racist racist, fascist, or something else along those lines. Are we really going to give these people a platform?” laughed Cuckhauld.

The driver behind this new progressive policy, simply put, was poor ratings and a drastically slipping stock price. “We are behind Flickr. F*king Flickr! Are they still even around?” asked Cuckhauld, literally shaking.

Flickr did not immediately respond to a request from NPC Daily. New details are still unravelling but one thing we know for sure – it will most likely be a great benefit to the social platform should it be rid of it’s cis white male user base.

NPC Contributor

When NPC Daily gets an exceptional submission on the "submit an article page", it's posted from NPC Contributor. Everything on this site is satire.
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