Culture

Mount Rushmore “Facelift” part of Green New Deal – faces to be replaced with Obama and persons of color

Straight white males to be removed as hate symbols

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Mount Rushmore has made us all (except heterosexual white men) feel uncomfortable for centuries. It is clear that it must be changed, and now is the time for radical change, especially when it is morally right.

Mount Rushmore currently has four old heterosexual males’ busts on top of the mountain. None of them ever cross dressed when they were alive. This has made generations of Americans uncomfortable for too long.

To the rescue, new congresspersons of color have stepped in to be progressive change agents. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, signed a bill (part of her Green New Deal), that will replace the old white men with three women of color, President Obama, and a genderfluid person.

“It was really President Obama’s idea!”, disclosed new congressperson Ilhan Omar. “He brought it up after mosque one day with me and my legal husband. He said, ‘Those old men didn’t build that! Let’s get rid of them and put me up there.'”. “We quickly agreed!”, gushed Omar.

An insider said that instead of wasting all the land on the National Park, like it is now, a large Islamic cultural center will be erected. This will obviously help combat climate change. Recently laid off journalists will live in FEMA camps and build the center. “They are not going to ‘Learn to Code’ that is ridiculous and racist. They will build a mosque, learning center and restaurant, with modern amenities such as separate men’s and women’s eating areas to comply with sharia law, which will insure that ALL people who visit Mount Rushmore will feel comfortable.”

People of color, the LGTBQAAA+++ and senators and representatives can enter the park for free. White heterosexual males would not be welcome.

Always one to tackle problems head on, Ocasio-Cortez announced a new refugee immigrant welcome center on the park. “We will provide free first class air transportation by cutting the Air Force’s budget and taking all of their big planes that they don’t even need. We will fly these new arrivals with dignity, feed them, house them, provide medical care for them (also for free), and make them automatic citizens. We will register them to vote as soon as they arrive.” explained Ocasio-Cortez. “I looked at Mount Rushmore and realized it is our World War II, so I signed this bill!’

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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