Hate Crimes

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump and Jussie Smollett guilty of collusion, financial records confirm

"It was Trump. It was all Trump! He made me do it!" - Jussie Smollett

Written by Resistance “R” Personified

Details are still emerging as anonymous NPC Daily sources revealed early Wednesday morning that Donald Trump paid previously beloved actor, Jussie Smollett, to manufacture a fake hate crime. Smollett received $50,000 from Trump exactly 1 week prior to the incident as well as another $400,000 the day after. The sources state that they knew something was fishy about a story in which Smollett fakes a hate crime on his own; this led them to investigate the obvious source of all things slimy, the infamous Donald Trump.

It was Trump. It was all Trump! He made me do it!

  • Jussie Smollett

When confronted, Smollett cried out to reporters, “It was Trump. It was all Trump! He made me do it!” He then curled up into a ball on the sidewalk, rocking back and forth. When Trump was quizzed about the SandwichGate scandal just outside the White House, he stared aimlessly at the sea of cameras for a whole minute, saying nothing. His demeanor was literally drenched in guilt, collusion exuding from his sweat pores. Finally, he walked briskly past all the journalists toward an awaiting limousine.

Talks of collusion have dogged this administration from Day 1. Everyone knew that some form of it would show up somewhere eventually — it was only a matter of time. Here are the headlines from mainstream media outlets regarding this breaking news story.

ABC: “Collusion finally proven; Trump’s time is running out.”

MSNBC: “We told you there was collusion! We told you!”

CNN: “Trump has been a bad boy. How bad? Bad.”

Politico: “Today will be remembered as the greatest day of the 21st century!”

Robert Mueller has not refuted the details of this report. His investigation had seemed to be dwindling into nothingness before this announcement, but today it has received a much needed resuscitation. One can only hope that these monumental findings will be the final nail in Donald Trump’s coffin.

Stay tuned as NPC Daily and its objective journalists bring you the most up-to-date coverage on the Trump-Smollett collusion.

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R Personified

R Personified is literally the personification of the resistance movement against the unpopular and immoral Donald Trump. R's resisting ability has been greatly amplified over the course of Trump's administration, taking objective journalism to heights the world has never seen in its entire existence. R is a proud vegan and will unabashedly smash any dairy product in sight. He is immensely open and tolerant to anything and anyone, unless you're a homophobic, xenophobic, carnivorous, pouncing, patriarchal, Trump-loving fascist. This entire site is satire.

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