Hate Crimes

MAGA hat thugs strike again in yet another hate crime

Nazis are literally everywhere!

Written by Neville Percival Croft

It’s no secret that hate crimes are soaring in Trump’s America, with many of these dreadful incidents being reported on massively like the infamous Nathan Phillips incident. Even senior NPC Daily analysts have deduced that the level of hate crimes has drastically risen by 125% since Donald Trump was sworn in as President.

Recently, another hate crime has occurred outside a local Starbucks in which a civilian was viciously assaulted. Thankfully, the recovering victim has been generous enough to hold an interview with yours truly, and by doing so will shed light on this heinous crime. However, it should be noted that the victim desires to remain anonymous and it’s NPC Daily’s journalistic integrity and duty to support the rights of this unique individual. All you need to know is that xe is a non-binary Mexican immigrant of color who was assaulted by MAGA hat-wearing xenophobes.

Croft: Good afternoon (Name Withheld), I can’t tell you how grateful we are for you holding this interview with us today. Would you like a beverage before we get into the distressing details?

Victim: Pleasure to be here Mr Croft! I’ll skip on the beverage, I’ve been drinking my problems away ever since the attack on my life. It’s a miracle I’m even sober now.

Croft: I’m so sorry to hear about that. So tell me (Name Withheld), what exactly happened on the day of the incident?

Victim: Oh it was awful, I decided to go for a stroll with my three cats and we stopped in Starbucks for a soy latte with extra pumpkin spice. As I exited the building, I saw a group of MAGA Nazis harassing an elderly African American gentleperson so I went over to stop them.

Croft: Your courage is immeasurable. I wish I was as brave and noble as you (Name Withheld). What happened next, and approximately how many of them was there?

Victim: There was five of them, each one racially abusing the African American gentleperson. I tried to get them to leave him alone but they then turned their hate on me. I was so scared. They mocked me ruthlessly and even misgendered me. Then…Then it happened…

Croft: Here’s a tissue before we go any further.

Victim: Thank you so much, it hurts just thinking about it. They told me to go back to Mexico and when I said no, they shoved me to the ground. After that, they tied me up with rope and poured my soy latte all over my body. My ripped super skinny jeans, and my dignity, was tarnished. They kicked me for a while and one of them snapped my rainbow glasses. To make it worse, they finished their evil performance by putting a MAGA hat on my defenseless head.

Croft: I…I can’t comprehend how you must have felt. I’ve held many interviews before, but none as frightening and repulsive as this. All I want to do now is protest in your name.

Victim: Now, I rarely leave my house and my mind has been so distressed that I’ve forgotten to feed my cats. They’re dead now and it’s all Trump’s fault. I just can’t go on anymore Mr Croft, I can’t take it. I ran across the border into this country to live in harmony, not to be harassed and belittled by animals brainwashed by Trump who despise my very existence! I…I…I need to go…I’m sorry…I just can’t even…

Croft: The nearest safe space is at the end of the corridor (Name Withheld). I need to go there myself anyway…I’m shaking so hard right now…

As you can clearly see, the effect that the hate crime has had on this poor soul cannot be understood by words alone. Fortunately, a brave, bold and daring witness who saw the whole event unfold, has been able to give a statement regarding xirs eye witness account.

It was dreadful. I was just trying to enjoy my soy latte but instead I ended up watching a hate crime outside the window. The way that person of unidentified gender identity was so callously beaten made me quiver in fear. I wanted to help, but instead I hid under the table in terror. This is what America has become. I miss Obama.

Now, more than ever, we need to address the rising issue of hate crimes flooding this country and we are still yet to receive any comment from President Trump condemning these brutal attacks. Not since the 1930s, have we seen such malevolent hatred and we here at NPC Daily stand by our call for an end to all distribution of the MAGA hats. Only then, can all hate crimes in America be stopped.

Here’s a picture of Bernie Sanders to lighten the mood:

Everything will be fine


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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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