Cursive writing is hate speech and could soon be banned

Green New Deal to include paper and pencil collection

We all know who the Boss is: Socialist-Democratic Party Leader Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez! And that is a good thing. Her Green New Deal is the only hope we have to save the world from being overheated and destroyed by the global warming caused by President Trump and his henchman, Mike Pence.

All Americans are nearly salivating waiting for the first parts of the Green New Deal to take effect: carbon neutral measures including the forfeiture of all citizens’ cars and trucks to the government, guaranteed federal jobs (of every person’s choice), and access to healthy food. Green New Deal dietary restrictions will be announced from Senator Ed Markey’s Cape Cod wind farm.

Now, more totally great news: AOC is bravely eliminating legacy products that will not help with our war on climate change. “So, this is like, our World War II, if you will.”, explained the Democratic Party de facto leader. “And this is our only priority, because, like, if the world ends, we will never get a chance to tax super-rich people who really deserve it, and also, like nothing else matters if Trump and other bad mans succeed in destroying the world.”

What can America do? How can we help AOC? How can we stop Trump and his regime from intentionally making the world so hot that it melts? AOC has the answers to combat President Trump. “There is more to the Green New Deal than just killing all the farting cows”, the bravest socialist ever explained.

Cursive writing is outdated, and Gen X, Millenials and Front Line Communities don’t use it. I am from the Bronx, and like, literally no one even understands cursive writing. Cursive is like Latin, a way for rich white men to keep women and people of color down and enslaved. And only old white people know how to read it; they use it like, literally a code to use hate speech in secret. It must be stopped before the world explodes. Because “cursive” means “paper” must be used. Paper kills fish, such as like, tuna fish, which is healthy food. Everyone who writes in cursive is denying us the basic human right to healthy food.

“Everyone texts, instagrams or uses other social media. There is no reason to write in the secret white man’s code of cursive.” AOC announced on her snapchat.

NPC Daily took to the streets of Front Line Communities to get reactions. “I have already sledgehammered my car because I couldn’t wait to surrender it to the Socialist Party. And I have been eating all the pencils and paper I can find so they don’t destroy the environment. It’s better that I destroy myself than lose this World War II to Trump!” revealed Robert “Pancho” McPatrick.

“There will be no ‘grandpersoning’ under this law; cursive writing is a form of white privilege, and it will be outlawed immediately. Any one who disagrees is racis and homophobic” explained Nancy Pettine-Cox, professor of Transgender Rights at UC-Irvine. “You know who used cursive? Hitler!”

Even Hitler wrote in cursive

NPC Daily will continue to follow the Green New Deal and update readers on all relevant progress.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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