Politics

Anita Sarkeesian reveals she might be running for president

A much needed breath of fresh air for US politics

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Written by Neville Percival Croft

There are not many people as brave and courageous as feminist activist Anita Sarkeesian. For a long time, Anita has been an upstanding critic of all things not progressive and now she is considering taking her dynamic message of gender equality to the campaign trail. As a staunch opponent of President Trump, Anita would bring a much needed new stance in progressive politics.

NPC Daily managed to interview Mrs Sarkeesian and questioned her thoughts on running for President.

NPC Daily: Good morning Mrs. Sarkeesian, care for a soy latte?

Sarkeesian: Yes please, but aren’t you forgetting something?

NPC Daily: Oh yes, how could I forget! What are your preferred pronouns?

Sarkeesian: She/her. Yourself?

NPC Daily: Ey/Eir. Now onto the first question, why are you considering running for President?

Sarkeesian: America needs change. Trump has made America his personal punching bag and I’ve suffered long enough from the alt-right bigots who harass and belittle my opinions on a regular basis. I will end that. Quite frankly, everything is racist, everything is sexist, everything is homophobic and I need point it all out.

NPC Daily: Incredible, truly astounding. What sort of policies would you put in place?

Sarkeesian: First of all, I would ban video games for all men. After gamergate, it’s clear to me that men cannot be trusted with such toxic, masculine propoganda. As a woman, it will be compulsory for me to be believed, and anyone who doesn’t will be questioned for a potential sexist hate crime. I wouldn’t be a damsel in distress in this election, I would be the princess who saves America by slaying the orange dragon.

NPC Daily: Wow, that was beautiful. You already have my vote.

Sarkeesian: Did you just call me “beautiful”? Is that sexual harassment?

NPC Daily: N…No I…

Sarkeesian: I’m sorry, I can’t hold an interview with someone who is trying to rape me.

NPC Daily: But Mrs. Sarkeesian, I was only complimenting you.

Sarkeesian: F*ck off you Nazi! I am not your sex object! I’m calling the police…

Unfortunately, Anita stormed out of the room and called the police, meaning that the interview was inconclusive. The reporter who interviewed her was promptly arrested and fired from NPC Daily for attempted sexual assault. Good riddance, I never would have thought we had a rapist in our midst.

If she does decide to run, Anita will up against fierce competitors such as the highly popular Bernie Sanders and the first Native American candidate Elizabeth Warren. We wish Anita Sarkeesian all the best if she does bravely face up against the orange menace himself.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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