Politics

Why donating to the Clinton Foundation is still the right thing to do

Revenues slip due to overcrowded Democratic primary field

Swagnets

Let’s face it: we all know what the best charity to donate to is: The Clinton Foundation. This awesome liberal non-profit gives a full 7% of its donations to the charities we care most about: climate change, gun confiscation and breaking the glass ceiling for women. You read that right! Only 93% of donations are spent on overhead and administration costs, and a modest portion provides the former (and still the REAL) First Family with their basic human rights to housing, good food, health care and a sustainable living wage.

Incoming donations were never a problem when Bill and Hillary-Rodham were selflessly serving the nation and leading the the world. Now though, there are so many choices available to socialists and other democrats on where to donate money: each socialist presidential hopeful is raising money for their own campaigns, as well as their own charitable organizations.

Liberals and socialists have a dizzying number of choices as to where to send their income to, as we all await the Green New Deal, when the federal government will make those hard choices for us. In the meantime though, we must keep the work of the Clinton Foundation going as strong as ever. You may have to take out a loan or two, or finance your donations through your credit cards – and it is a good thing to sign up for extra credit cards to make this happen.

Here are some of the pros and cons of donating to other leading socialist charities. Note that there is no downside to sending a meaningful donation to the Clinton Foundation.

  1. Bernie Sanders’ Campaign Fund. Pros: he is a socialist, and therefore knows what is best to do with our money. Also on the plus side is that he is friends with AOC, which speaks for itself, if you will. CONS: He is an old rich white man, and everyone knows that a woman or person of color (ideally both) must become the next President.
  2. Kamala Harris Campaign Fund. PROS (and there are many): She is a female. She is a person of color. Her political mentor was Willie Brown, also a person of color. She bravely stands with victims like Jussie Smollett. She would allow abortions through age 5 of the child (Pre-Kindergarten) in order to give women a real choice as to whether they even like the child before making a decision regarding the mom’s own body. “What if a woman gives birth to a male child that shows no signs of ever being a socialist? We can’t expect the expectant moms to make the decision whether to keep the kid or have an abortion and go on about their business without even getting a look at the kid!” CONS: She may have been born in the United States.
  3. Beto O’Rourke’s Campaign Fund (“The Viva Beto Fund”, Ltd.). PROS: He has a Latinx nickname, which makes him almost Mexican. He has solid experience in the criminal justice system. He is good looking. He rides a skateboard. CONS: he has not taken an ancestry.com test to show off just how Mexican he is. He is also a seemingly hetero male. A solid DNA test result, even if it is not technically, grammatically, factually correct, and perhaps coming out of the closet as gender fluid, or at least gay, would move him up our list.
  4. The Elizabeth Warren Campaign Fund (“Where the The Buffalo Roam”, LLC). PROS: She is a female person of color, and now universally recognized as a Native American, except by literal Nazis like Trump. She fights for working families. She will not let big corporations continue to ruin our everyday lives like they do now. She supports open borders and immigration for ALL, not just people without criminal records. “Many years ago, in the time of my grandparents, the buffalo roamed free across the Rio Grande. Trump ruined that. I will fight to open that border up for everyone!” the Massachusetts Senator explained to NPC Daily, while relaxing with her husband Bruce and dog Bailey (a pet of color) at her stately Boston mansion.
  5. Our “NPC Daily Best Choice Award”: “Justice Democrats PAC”, incorporated in D.C. A brilliant Political Action Committee (“PAC”) run by House (de facto) Majority leader Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is from the Bronx, and her Chief of Staff Saikat Chakrabarti, a person of color. Corporate filings list their address as a PO Box in Knoxville, Tennessee, but we all know AOC is from the Bronx, a front-line community. Everyone knows that the only way to save the entire planet from exploding within 12 years at the hands of Trump is AOC. This is a good place to send a donation to ASAP. Corporate filings list Justice Democrats address in Knoxville. You should make a meaningful (“make it hurt” sized) donation right now!

These new choices leave us in the newsroom literally shaking with enthusiasm. Send your donations to Justice Democrats PAC (AOC’s Green New Deal Strike Force) and let us not forget to continue to donate to the Clinton Foundation; it is the least we can do for what the Clinton’s have done to empower young women in the workplace.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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