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California University bans the Bible on campus and why this needed to happen

An end to the threat against LGBTQ+ students

Written by Neville Percival Croft

Since the dawn of Christianity, the Bible has been a cruel, yet devastatingly effective, tool in the relentless marginalization of LGBTQ+ rights. Fortunately, with the rise of progressive politics, this hatred is coming to an end. Despite many horrifying incidents such as the Christian bakers refusing to bake gay wedding cakes, great progress is being made to combat this vindictive intolerance. In a defiant and stunning move, the University of Modern Arts in California has bravely banned the Bible on campus.

The idea was proposed by a professor of 21st century liberal arts named Dr Eileen Dover, after many LGBTQ+ students came to her complaining about rampant bullying and offensive behavior on the university grounds. With a keen desire to find out more about this stunningly bold move, NPC Daily reporter R Personified hastily rushed over to the scene and recorded a statement from Professor Dover.

I couldn’t idly stand by and watch helpless sexual and gender minorities being persecuted on campus by sadistic beasts. I knew I had to do something. A pansexual transgender student came to me claiming that white male Christian students were waving the Bible in zirs face and calling for Christ to smite zir. That’s when the idea hit me. By banning the Bible, I would be tearing out the root of the bigotry. With that book gone, there would be no more brainwashing and intolerant behaviour on campus. I don’t like to brag, but I think I’ve just saved thousands of lives.

  • Dr Eileen Dover, Professor of 21st century liberal arts.
Professor Dover stands by her brave decision to ban the Bible and she is now at the tip of the spear in the battle against LGBTQ+ discrimination.

This decision has proven to be wildly popular with students on campus and Professor Dover herself has been nominated for a promotion by the equality, diversity and inclusion department. Now, many other Universities across California are planning on doing the same and hopefully this trend spreads across America. Truly I tell you, this is a great leap of progress in the fight against the tyranny unleashed by Trump’s America.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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