It seems like every time a millennial socialist tries to make revolutionary changes for our own good, like opening our borders to everyone who wants to come in, giving socialism a fair shake, getting rid of the military and spending the money wasted on military defense on our real world war with the Sun and Mars, or even supporting oppressed people when they make false claims of assault against Trump supporters, these brave, progressive socialists are kept down by racist conservatives, known collectively as “The man”. In other words, every time a Millennial or Gen X Socialist takes a step forward, the man pushes her two steps back.
Well here we go again. Socialist leader of the House of Representatives Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has devised the Green New Deal, a “war plan” if you will, to combat Climate Change – the main problem the world faces. Even though every other country, such as Vietnam, North Korea, China, and Venezuela have become carbon neutral, President Trump and top henchman Mike Pence have conspired to destroy the world in 12 years through a vile combination of coal, car exhaust, and farting cows. That is no coincidence; Venezuela, Vietnam, North Korea and China are socialist countries – and Trump and Pence are racists. The evidence of these connections can no longer be overlooked; the World will end in 12 years unless AOC can save it!
So, to help make sure the “right” candidates (socialists, women, people of color, and muslims) have access to their basic human right of campaign money, AOC Congressional Chief of Staff (the seventh highest rank in all four branches of government) Saikat Chakrabarti set up a “PAC” (Political Action Committee) called “Justice Democrats” with AOC in 2017. The goal was to help candidates with cash who were revolutionary socialists and who would “get it” when it came to recycling, fighting Amazon, guaranteeing basic human rights such as government provided self-care, et cetera, if you will.
“It costs money walking around and knocking on doors. Trump make sure of dat.” revealed an exhausted Fatima X, an unsuccessful (but brave) congressional candidate from Yemen who ran as a member of the Hamas party in Iowa. “Justice Democrats gave candidates like me a chance to be heard. They did that by filing out paperwork for me that I couldn’t read in English cuz Trump’s election laws don’t allow the filings to be done in Arabic, which shows right there he is a racist motherf*cker who needs to be impeached.” shared X. “They knew I needed cash; I can’t open the bank account because I have no papers. Using banks is a trick that ICE uses to capture people and separate families.”
Of course, any one except literally Nazis would find Fatima X’s story heartwarming: she made it from Yemen to Nebraska without any sort of documentation or paperwork, and ran for a house of representatives seat, one of the three main chambers of Congress, all because of the Justice Democrats PAC.
Now get this – Angry about the fact that Justice Democrats PAC did not comply with its Federal Election Commission laws, a lawsuit has been filed against Saikat Chakrabarti and AOC HERSELF!
“So like, I’m not, literally, like an expert on economics, and maybe, we can’t tell you, exactly, grammatically, like where this individual dollar bill is like right at this minute, or where those $100 dollars that such and such a person donated, but it is morally right to have transparency, so racists like Trump can criticize me for not being able to tell them where each, like dollar by serial number at 3 o’clock today, which is racism.” explained AOC to this writer, who was literally shaking so badly I/we could not keep the lid on my vegan latte.
Hollywood can always be counted on to do the right moral thing when a socialist comes under attack. Justice Democrats has announced a new fund raiser in case bail money is needed to defend against literal, grammatical alleged crimes: WIN A DATE WITH R KELLY!” (You read it here first!). The star rapper is no stranger to being wrongfully accused by authorities. He has donated a date night at his mansion with R Kelly himself and his two 21 year old girlfriends. Contestants must be female and be younger than both his girlfriends.
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