Culture

Liberals using all available cash to buy Powerball tickets to give to the Bernie 2020 campaign

Record jackpot soaring to $1.7 Billion; liberals get credit card cash advances to make jackpot soar

It’s the American Dream: Winning a giant lottery jackpot. But just imagine winning that billion dollar jackpot AND giving all the money to Bernie Sanders to save the country from Trump! Brilliant liberals have united to do both.

This week, and every week until the election, liberals by the millions will spend every dollar they can get their hands on to buy Powerball tickets to raise money for the Bernie Sanders 2020 campaign, which we all know is the only way to stop the oppression and global warming we have suffered through in recent weeks.

READ: Millennials are getting the Bernie 2020 logo tattooed on their face as a brave show of support

READ: “I donated my college fund to the Bernie 2020 campaign because education will be free when he’s elected”

Brave liberals are cashing their paychecks and government benefit checks and heading straight to the nearest lottery sales agents to invest in America! “I cashed my paycheck and bought $335 worth of Powerball tickets. It’s how I can save America”, explained Doug Chadwick, a clerk at a mall fragrance kiosk.

This is our world war II, and this is a front-line community. I bought a soy latte with my $ 500 Food Stamp card, got the change in cash, and ran to my local bodega with the $495 in change to buy tickets for Bernie. It is the best idea I have ever heard. My eyes welled with tears of joy when the clerk asked if I was sure that I wanted 495 tickets. Yas! I trembled. I just mailed the tickets to Bernie’s campaign fund anonymously.

  • Nora Price-Cabot, a unemployed mom of two

“I got cash advances on all my credit cards until I maxed them all out. For something this important, you don’t ask how you will pay for the credit card bills; you just do it!” gushed Dustin Crisp, a Dance major at Palo Alto State. “Once Bernie wins, I won’t need the money; everything will be free!”

The next blue wave will soon get the infusion of millions, if not billions, of cash to give to Bernie. Watch the Powerball jackpot soar on your local NBC affiliates!

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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