Trump

BREAKING NEWS: Proof that Donald Trump is not human!

Who's the real illegal alien now?

Written by R Personified

New fresh face of the Democratic Party Ilhan Omar revealed some quite disturbing news to Fox News reporters as she entered an elevator in Washington D.C. on Monday. The freshman congresswoman said unequivocally that she has in her possession concrete evidence that Donald Trump is not actually a human being. She would not elaborate at the time, but it is easy to speculate what sort of species Trump could truly be.

Many theories have been spouted from many different sources. Some believe Trump is a dog. Some a potted plant. Some an orangutan (it literally almost spells “orange”). One source seems more believable than the rest. His name: Jared Michelle.

Many NPC Daily followers will recognize the name Jared Michelle of New York. He proudly and courageously sold his right and left testicles in order to further the cause of a great and noble leader, Bernie Sanders, in his bid for presidency in 2020. Such fortitude has not been seen since Hugo Ch├ívez transformed the Venezuelan government into the beautiful country we know today. Here is Jared’s eyewitness account.

I sneaked into a Trump rally. No one knew I was a Bernie supporter. When anyone quizzed me about my Starbucks cup from which I was sipping, I lied and said there was no soy inside. The MAGA hat goons believed me. I made my way backstage, and that’s when I saw the most horrifying image of my entire life. Donald Trump was stepping off what looked to be an alien spaceship. Instead of orange, his skin was bright green. He popped a pill into his mouth, and he quickly metamorphosed into his usual, disgusting color. One of his guards glanced my way, and I rushed back into the crowd before they could find me.

  • Jared Michelle
Jared Michelle

The fortitude of Jared Michelle never ceases to amaze. It is likely that this testimony will line up with Ilhan Omar’s evidence. If the hypothesis pans out, Donald Trump could easily be impeached and imprisoned, since aliens are not currently permitted to be president. The smoking gun is here at last! One can only imagine the torture and experiments that will surely be performed on Trump once Omar’s evidence is revealed.

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R Personified

R Personified is literally the personification of the resistance movement against the unpopular and immoral Donald Trump. R's resisting ability has been greatly amplified over the course of Trump's administration, taking objective journalism to heights the world has never seen in its entire existence. R is a proud vegan and will unabashedly smash any dairy product in sight. He is immensely open and tolerant to anything and anyone, unless you're a homophobic, xenophobic, carnivorous, pouncing, patriarchal, Trump-loving fascist. This entire site is satire.

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