Culture

“I just wanted to make the world a better place” bold liberal activist hit by car during fossil fuel protest

Just another day in Trump's America

Written by Neville Percival Croft

Ever since Alexandria Ocasio Cortez came out and revealed her genius Green New Deal to the public, millions of brave young activists have taken to the streets to show their love and devotion for a greener world. For the most part, these protests have been wildly successful and many fascists have been rightfully silenced and put in their place. However, this isn’t always the case. Especially in the horrific story of unfortunate activist Clea Torres.

Clea was in New York City going about her weekly protest, this time against the use of fossil fuels in cars. Tragically, and without warning, Clea was knocked down by the very thing she was protesting against: a big, dirty, fossil fuel guzzling car. Clea is now in the hospital recovering from her ordeal and NPC Daily reporter Jared Michelle was deployed to interview her so that you, dear reader, can hear her heartbreaking tale.

Jared: Hey Clea, how are you doing today?

Clea: Not well, I’m still literally shaking.

Jared: Well I’m going to need your consent for a quick interview if that’s alright with you. I think we can both agree that your story must be told.

Clea: Of course comrade, ask away.

Jared: Alright, so how did you end up in this horrible situation?

Clea: Well I was with my non binary cat, Castro. We had just had a Starbucks and decided to join the local protest against fossil fuels. We got our signs, and stood screaming in the middle of the road.

Jared: Hold on a minute, does this hospital have a safe space or a cry corner? You know, just in case it gets a bit too emotional for me.

Clea: Sadly not, this hospital is drenched with bigotry and hate. Anyway, we started to peacefully protest by smashing car windows with our signs. We felt this was the most effective method for getting our point across that fossil fuels must be destroyed. Shortly after we started, it happened…

Jared: Oh no…I’m trembling right now…

Clea: One driver stopped and beeped his horn. His car was belching so much toxic gas, it made furious. Just think of those homeless penguins! I bravely stuck up my middle finger and broke his front window. Th…The…Then he brushed me over…

Jared: Tissue?

Clea: Thank you Jared, you’re so sweet. My hand had some small cuts and bruises and I passed out at the sight of blood. Next thing I know is I woke up here. The nurses wanted to release me straight away but I convinced them to let me stay to recover for a bit longer.

Jared: In all my life, I don’t think I’ve ever heard something so upsetting.

Clea: I just wanted to make the world a better place. What did I expect? After all this is Trump’s America! I’m just worried about my cat Castro, xe’s a non binary vegan and gets very upset when the hospital staff misgender xim.

Jared: I…I’m going to have to go…There’s a cry closet somewhere out there with my name on it…

Sadly, poor Jared was too distraught to carry on the interview but it did teach us one thing, fascists still roam free in America and Trump is wilfully harbouring and protecting them. Clea was nearly silenced by the alt-right for her beliefs. This cannot go on.

Here’s a picture of Clea’s pet cat Castro (identifying ximself as female) to lighten the mood.

Clea’s cat, Castro


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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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