Culture

It’s time to admit that Daylight Saving Time is an instrument of the patriarchy and inherently racist

If you've set your clocks forward or back at any point during the last century, you've contributed to the victimization of billions.

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Ask yourself one simple question: Why is Daylight Saving Time (DST) not observed in most countries near the equator?

Anyone with a modicum of social awareness will feel a keening sense of discomfort when contemplating the answer to the question posited above. The NPC Daily editorial staff is compelled to make you understand these uncomfortable apprehensions. We’re here to explain.

America’s most infamous original patriarch first made the case for DST when he said, “early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Perhaps we should have asked the Franklin household’s six slaves if they shared this same notion. Early to rise, indeed!

READ: Liberals are refusing to change their clocks for Daylight Savings Time “I refuse to contribute to climate change”

READ: AOC opposes Daylight Savings Time because “the extra hour of sunlight drastically speeds up climate change”

Simply put, the population circling the equator is made up of largely people with high levels of melanin in their skin. In other words, they are persons of color. These populations determined long ago that DST is a weapon of oppression wielded by whites and their corporate patriarchal gods. For generations, the brave equatorial warriors have banished DST to the ash heap of anachronistic tools of oppression, and they will not go back.

The corporate patriarchy will not let DST go without a fight for two reasons: Energy Consumption and Rampant Capitalistic Consumerism. In the United States, current studies indicate that DST increases total energy consumption by 700%, especially when non-electricity sources of energy consumption are considered. These non-electricity sources of energy consumption include extra heating fuel on the colder, darker mornings and extra gasoline used to drive to soccer games as well as the bulwarks of consumerism—Bass Pro Shops, Hobby Lobby, and Chick-Fil-A.

In accordance with the laws of economic and scientific consensus, it is accepted that both fossil fuels and gluttonous consumerism demonstrably victimize people of color around the world. It’s time to end the racist cycle of oppression.

As if there weren’t enough upsides to DST abolition, consider this– In 1975 the United States Department of Transportation estimated a 0.7% reduction in traffic fatalities during DST, and estimated the real reduction at 1.5% to 2%. Follow this to its logical conclusion: Once we cast off DST, we would see a 2% rise in the deaths of these racist, white, church-going cis-gendered soccer moms and corporate dads nationwide. How’s that for progress?

Consider—Without DST, the additional sunlight absorbed will trigger massive vitamin D synthesis in the skin, thereby, causing a darkening of the skin. The logical and university educated reader will clearly see that, over time, the population of persons of color will radically increase. Perhaps in only two generations. Are you beginning to see the patriarchy’s interest in maintaining the current regressive DST policies?

In the quest for a truly perfect multi-cultural world wherein individuals can finally be judged strictly by the color of their skin, the quest for DST dissolution will be our generation’s Selma.

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When NPC Daily gets an exceptional submission on the "submit an article page", it's posted from NPC Contributor. Everything on this site is satire.

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