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The official NPC Daily guide to an effective protest

All you need to know to get out there and protest like a professional

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Written by Neville Percival Croft

With President Trump and the alt-right seizing more and more power and influence by the day, the notion of hope has been thrown out the window by many tolerant, left wing individuals. Never before have so many Americans felt so helpless and unable to do anything to save their country. Well, there is something you can do. Something that many brave, bold and defiant activists have been doing ever since that dark day on November 8th 2016. That something is protesting, and here’s how you can do it to the best of your ability.

First of all, what you want to do is make a big, beautiful sign. Make sure that’s it’s brightly colored and easy to spot within a large crowd, so that your progressive message can been viewed more easily. Don’t forget to add some sort of humor to it as well, preferably something to make a mockery of our bigot in chief. Here is a perfect example of a creative and innovative sign:

Take notes people, this is how you protest

Okay, so you’ve got your sign, now go to your nearest Starbucks and buy yourself a soothing, refreshing soy latte. Protesting can be a very stressful and traumatic experience for many, mostly due to horrific 2016 flashbacks. NPC Daily analysts have spent quite some time studying the humble soy latte and we recommend either a pumpkin spice or an avocado soy latte. They really get the estrogen pumping, which you’ll most definitely need for the protest.

Now get on out there and do your part in saving humanity from World War 3! There are many different ways to protest. We highly recommend incoherent shrieking at the sky. Just let out all your anger, your inner suffering and your righteous fury, so the world truly understands just how evil Drumpf really is. Don’t forget to bring along a microphone, that way your convincing screams of truth reaches the masses.

Chants are also a favourite among protestors. As a professional protestor myself, I find myself mindlessly murmuring this particular gem:

Hey hey
Ho ho
Bad Orange Man
Has got to go (repeat for several hours)

Here is a great example of a fearless resister defying Drumpf’s bigoted rhetoric:

Brave protester risking life and limb to end Trump’s reign of tyranny

Be warned – as your brave protest goes on, you may encounter dangerous opponents such as your everyday fascists, MAGA hat wearing Neo-Nazis, sizist bigots, furryphobes, racists, xenophobes and many many more. The best way to counter these monsters is to do exactly what you were doing before they attempt to verbally rape you: scream. This time do it even louder and right in their faces if possible.

Ideally, the protest should last all day. Be sure to bring some friends or family for company and moral support. I like to bring my cat Che, xe is pretty much the best protester I know. After you’ve finished letting the world know your struggles, use your social media and complain about the harshness of Trump’s America online. Then go to sleep and repeat these steps the next day. Only doing this on a regular basis, will we see the change that we so desperately need.

Diversity is our strength.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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