Written by Neville Percival Croft
There has recently been a long string of famous and popular cinematic characters coming out of the closet and revealing their once hidden sexual identities. The most recent examples being Woody from Toy Story coming out as a fabulous bisexual and JK Rowling has told the world that Ron Weasley was actually a heroic Transgender individual. Well now it seems that George Lucas has gotten in on the trend and has revealed in an exclusive interview with NPC Daily that Emperor Sheev Palpatine was actually gay the whole time!
One of the best things about Star Wars for me was Emperor Palpatine. He was a really fun character but I’ve always thought of him as a homosexual. Well now I’m finally ready to reveal this to the public. Your favorite sith lord enjoys a bit of backwards fun with the Stormtroopers in his spare time on the death star!
- George Lucas
This is truly beautiful news! Swiftly, NPC Daily analysts began to watch the Star Wars movies all over again to pick up any potential signs that Darth Sidious was actually a homosexual. Fortunately, dear reader, our analysts picked up more than enough hints. First of all, Palpatine loved surrounding himself with the other sith lords. When he got bored of one, he’d move straight onto another. He had the rather horny Darth Maul at first but he then moved onto the more gentlepersonly and refined Count Dooku. When he had enough of Dooku, he managed to get himself a hot cyborg in the form of Darth Vader.
Even more telling is that the Emperor says to Luke Skywalker: “Join me and together we will fulfill your destiny”. While it comes across that this was just the Emperor trying to get himself a new apprentice, NPC Daily analysts reveal that this was actually Palpatine subtly asking Luke to be his boyfriend. When Luke rejects him, the sith lord gets mad and tries using Mike Pence’s electroshock therapy on him.
This is not just great news for Star Wars fans, it’s also great news for Hollywood. We need more unique gender and sexual minorities being represented and it seems that Palpatine has joined several others in pushing this magnificent message of diversity. Perhaps in the future, we see gender fluid Yoda, non binary Jar Jar Binks, lesbian General Grievous or maybe even trans-skinny Jabba the Hutt. Only time will tell…
If a small amount of our regular readers became patrons on Patreon, we'd have enough funding to no longer be dependent on annoying Google ads cluttering your reading space. Will you become a patron for $5 a month?