Culture

“I’m freezing myself until Trump’s presidency is over”

Woman to undergo cryogenic freezing to escape Trump's time in office

Swagnets

Written by Neville Percival Croft

It’s fair to say President Trump’s time in the White House has had an impact on everyone, some more than others. We’ve had many brave protesters like Jared Michelle and Heather Gemma Montgomery make noble stands against a corrupt society. However, not everyone can cope in these daunting times. One such example is a courageous woman named Celestia Heart, who has endured horrible suffering under the Trump regime. Now, she has decided to flee it by the most unconventional means: cryogenic freezing.

Celestia lives in Berkeley, California and has spent the past four years protesting against Trump. Before his presidency, it was an every now and again protest but since he stole the election, Celestia has protested every day in defiance against his grip on America’s throat. Sadly, this brave soul has had enough and feels that cryogenic freezing is the best way to free herself from Trump’s America. Celestia will be sent to a lab and frozen by expert scientists. She will remain monitored by them and unfrozen once Trump leaves the White House.

Before she left for the freezing process, NPC Daily reporters met Celestia and her adorable 7 cats at her apartment for a quick statement.

My life has been hell since that orange demon hacked the election with his meddling Russian friends. I can’t sleep at night anymore, I’m just too scared to carry on. Even my husband was corrupted by him, he voted for this dictator and therefore contributed to my suffering. I had no choice but to divorce him and marry my girlfriend, who voted for Hillary. Yes, I’m freezing myself until Trump’s presidency is over. I’m taking a risk with this, it’s expensive and I’m having to sell my cats for the money to get this done but it will be worth it. No more Drumpf for me! Free at last!

  • Celestia Heart, Starbucks employee, 27, Berkeley, California.

Celestia hopefully will be frozen only for the next 2 years unless, worst case scenario, Trump is reelected. I feel sick just uttering those words. We applaud Celestia for her fierceness in the face of unrelenting evil and in her honor, we have started the #FreezeAway campaign on Twitter to show solidarity with her decision. Cryogenic freezing might actually be the perfect way to help people struggling to cope in the dark times thrusted upon on us.

So far #FreezeAway has received overwhelmingly positive responses with many celebrities coming out to support Celestia. Here are some of our favourite tweets.

Be sure to keep up with NPC Daily for more of the latest news headlines!

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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