Politics

A sneak peek at the 2020 Democratic Socialist platform

Bravely banning plastic straws, promoting transgender rights and the redistribution of property to immigrants

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We have been waiting for this forever – at least that’s how it feels. We have had nothing but terrifying news since 2016. Just turn on the world’s most trusted news sources (CNN and MSNBC) and you can’t avoid it: Trump, Mueller, the End of the World in 12 years, the Republicans making fun of the Green New Deal – the list goes on. Just today Trump, made a video and shared it on his twitter calling Vice President Biden “Creepy Uncle Joe” just out of the blue with no proof. All of it causes me to literally shake just writing this.

But enter, as they have done before, like superheroes without capes, fresh faced new congresspersons of color Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex, Atanna Pressley, Ilhan Omer and Rashida Tliab. They are the leaders of the Democratic Socialist Caucus, probably the most influential group in any of the several chambers of congress.

“We are not willing to wait until 2020! This is our World War II, if you will. We have children being separated from their families and kept in cages by Trump. So, like at the same time, lots of white families are living comfortable in suburban homes and nice apartments in cities. This has to stop!” shouted AOC into a bullhorn outside what she thought was Mitch McConnell’s office. “Open Borders and fair, equal distribution of housing must begin now or we will all die! White families will be separated, the children can go to proper state FEMA camps to live, and their parents can replace the migrants in cages in El Paso, or wherever that is, like places next to Mexico.” revealed America’s most popular representative.

READ: It’s time to admit that our founding fathers wanted Democratic Socialism

READ: OPINION: Why socialism, the political theory of freedom, could be justifiably taken by force

“Look, this been done before. In 1917, when the Bolsheviks kicked out the czars and they crew, they took the best housing for Party members, which is a good thing. They kicked every one else’s asses out to Siberia or some shit, which we could use Alaska or some other cold-ass state for. No one lives there now.” shared Rep. Tliab. “So we don’t have to reinvent the wheel!”

Needless to say, this is brave and brilliant, and it is free! These suburban homes already exist, and could host every migrant family waiting for deportation hearing on the Mexican border.

But there are always republicans to squawk about anything new. “Are you shitting me? They must be high!” groused Trump, while watching Roller Derby and playing Angry Birds. You know who else didn’t like “The Russian Plan” for equal housing? You guessed it: literally Hitler.

Finally some hope! Stay tuned to NPC Daily for updates on America’s conversion to socialism.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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