Politics

Reverend Al Sharpton announced as Democratic Socialist party chairman

Sharpton to host Democratic Socialist candidate debate and declare winner

Let’s face it: we all know who the real shot caller of the Democratic Socialist Party is – Reverend Al Sharpton. This week, Reverend Al summonsed all Democratic Presidential candidates to a gala event at which he axed all of them a simple question: will you pay reparations to people of color for America’s oppression of our people? When the Reverend Al asks, people say yes!

“Will you get out America’s checkbook and pay us back?” asked Reverend Al. Every major candidate said yes, and even some of the obscure ones no one has ever heard of agreed. After this, Democratic Socialists all agreed that Reverend Sharpton must be the head of the Democratic Socialist Party.

“I’ve been white my whole life and I’m sorry. We will pay as much as you want.” answered Beto O’Rourke, to which Reverend Al responded, “Ight! you make it to the second round then Ese!”

“I have already voted for this twice, and you have my support. My people have been picked on for centuries and it is time paleface pays. I’m also fighting for working families.” answered Native American Senator Elizabeth Warren. “Yeah you go girl! You make it to the next round too.” voted Reverend Al.

Democratic Socialists across America loved this question, and every one agreed that Reverend Al should host the Democratic Socialist Candidate debate, and that he should choose both the questions and the answers. “I accept. It’s time to get money,” stated the selfless statesman from New York. “It’s time America paid, and I mean PAID, for everything it’s ever done wrong. And I’m the man to supervise this and keep tack of the money.”

Democratic Socialists continue to amaze all Americans. “Reverend Sharpton should just pick the next president by himself. He knows what is best for all of us. There are too many candidates and CNN is not teling us who to support. Let Reverend Al pick the next President, we know he wil be fair”, said Amber Felch-Munk, a gender studies major at UC Davis.

The Reverend Al will be hosting another gala where he asks his follow up question on reparations, which is “How much you gonna pay to us if you win?”

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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