All 235 house Democratic Socialist representatives announce presidential candidacies

All will receive participation trophies

The 2020 Democratic Socialist Party’s field of Presidential candidates was already the best in history as of yesterday – but now, in a stunning, brave, and diverse move, the last few remaining socialist congresspersons who had not announced their candidacy for President in 2020 have all signed a bill, introduced by Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, that every democratic-socialist congressperson will all run for President! That’s right, 235 congresspersons, many female and many of color, are running. This writer is gasping with excitement.

Let’s add this up: 235 democrat-socialist congresspersons, plus 47 socialist senators, plus 15 mayors of small cities, PLUS candidates who are not even currently employed at all, like Beto O’Rourke!!! So … like I am totally, not an expert on addition, but that’s like over 300 democratic socialists running for President!! We cannot lose!

Woke Senator Cory Booker plans to introduce the same bill in the Senate: “This was my own original idea, like the reparations bill I introduced yesterday, but I’m not taking credit for it.” reasoned Booker.

“Look, no one has ever complained about too many choices in a buffet line.” explained Representative Amy Bovine-Bladder, who represents Iowa’s 11th District.

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“Diversity is our strength, and I am running because I am part Latin-X, my grandma told me that when I was young. She gave me my nickname, ‘Chachi’ Another qualification I have is that I have thought about becoming gay. I’m willing to literally say I’m gay if it looks like I actually might get close on this, maybe just close enough to score an easy Ambassador’s gig somewhere warm.” explained Rep. Bob “Chachi” Bonerz (D.-Cal).

“This is the year I will run because I’m gay and of color, and my identity qualifies me to be President. My platform is Orange Man Bad.” announced Smallville, California Mayor Nedwin Purcell-Choudary.

“Every candidate will receive a participation trophy at the end of the campaign, with Chuck Schumer and I handing out the trophies, and we will have wine. No one will be marginalized or otherized.” announced Nancy Pelosi.

Participation trophies to be awarded to all Democratic Socialist candidates.

This is stunning and brave. Stay tuned to CNN and MSNBC in order to learn which candidate to vote for.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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