Politics

Joe Biden announces run for President – Trump officially done

Campaign promises to include no more touching kids

Let’s face it: every American loves Joe Biden – And he has now declared his candidacy for the Presidency. He has the experience, having run for the Democratic Socialist (formerly the Democratic Party) Party nomination five times since 1950 but don’t let his age fool you! He is always on point with what is important today.

Reaching out and grabbing the inevitable criticism about his “old school, hands on approach” with children, Biden announced: “Look I get it. Times have changed since it used to be ok to smell a child’s Hair or French kiss them; today it’s all ‘no tongue in the mouth this is my personal space’ or whatever. I get it. I haven’t left a hickey on a stranger’s neck in 8 weeks.”

READ: It’s clearly Joe Biden’s turn to be President of the United States

READ: NXIVM leader and Clinton donor endorses Joe Biden for President

Biden also snuffed out potential critics of old plagiarism by Biden in law school and while campaigning in 2008. “That’s old news, and it used to be ok to cheat back then. But people don’t like plagiarism now. I get it!”

The best defense is a good offense. Joe Biden gets it, he said so. Biden announced his candidacy during a squirt gun fight he had with some children he met online, shown above.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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