Trump

Trump is responsible for Notre Dame burning down, here’s why

Another attempt by the bigot in chief to ruin everything

Written by Neville Percival Croft

As we all know, Notre Dame has suffered significant damage after a fire swept across the building, turning the blue Parisian skies red. Most spectators took to Twitter and other social media platforms to mourn the loss of this ancient structure, but not our remarkably brave and stunning NPC Daily journalists. We decided to conduct our own research and discovered an uncomfortable truth: Trump is responsible for Notre Dame burning down. Here’s why –

After a long, tiresome Twitter research process, our analysts concluded that Trump managed to get in touch with his best friend Putin and got him to deploy some Russian bots. These miscreants were then able to deal a devastating blow to the European Union, by hacking Notre Dame itself. We managed to interview prominent European politician Guy Verhofstadt on his views on the matter.

The hated Drumpf has clearly used his Nazi mind powers to burn Notre Dame. Either that or it was Brexit. The answer, of course, is more Europe.

  • Guy Verhofstadt, European Politician and member of the glorious European Union
The wise words of Mr Verhofstadt never cease to amaze. Our NPC Daily journalists were in tears after hearing them.

It’s no surprise that climate change is also thought to have been a major influence in this catastrophic event, especially since Trump himself is responsible for climate change. The effects of this would likely have caused the fire to spread more quickly, making Trump’s devious plan even more effective.

Many of us have wondered though, who actually is going to miss Notre Dame? Why miss a monument to Nationalism and white supremacy? After all, it’s just a big bigoted building that propagates Christian supremacy and makes minority groups feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. In a way, Trump is doing us a favor!

On the bright side, a local Imam has offered to lend a hand with the rebuilding process, by offering to have a mosque built in place of the destroyed building. French officials fell in love with this brilliant idea and took it a step further, they announced that a mega mosque will be constructed as a celebration of the vibrant diversity of French society. NPC Daily firmly stands by this new mosque and hope that construction finishes as soon as possible.

Diversity is our strength.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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