‘Persons of gingerbread’ set to replace gingerbread men in bakeries across America

A great leap in progressive baking

Written by Neville Percival Croft

Gender stereotypes are harmful, derogatory and cruel. This is public knowledge and the effects of this hateful bigotry is perpetuated not just in America, but across the world. Radical steps are needed in the fight to combat it and even the smallest act helps in the long run. This is exactly what is being done in bakeries across the country. In a much-required move, gingerbread men are no longer keeping their discriminatory name and are instead being named ‘persons of gingerbread’.

For far, far too long, innocent gender and sexual minorities have been frightened and fearful for their existence when entering bakeries. “Gingerbread men” symbolize the patriarchy that exists everywhere and will continue to do so until we put a stop to it. The creation of these unique confectionery individuals marks a new era for trans persons and others like them, as they are now able to buy from bakeries without being belittled.

NPC Daily journalist Jared Michelle was thrilled when he heard the news. Without hesitation, he drove to Berkeley, California to hear from the creator of these new persons of gingerbread: a pansexual, person of weight called Lindsey R Hattercraft.

I’ve worked every day at my local bakery ever since I was awarded my advanced feminist dance theory degree, and for a long time it was hell. Serving gingerbread MEN made my eyes water and I kept literally shaking. I was in such a mess all the time that my manager threatened to fire me. I came up the idea when I was reading Ilhan Omar’s tweets. I thought that if Allah can be a little queer, then why can’t gingerbread men? Now I’m no longer afraid at my job and the world is a better place!

  • Lindsey R Hattercraft, 25, baker, social activist, Berkeley, California
This is what a hero looks like; a brave, compassionate individual willing to make a the changes society needs.

So far the Genderbread Persons have a been a huge success and there are already plans to make more unique designs such as gingerbread people of colour that are baked just a bit longer than their counterparts. There are even plans to make some persons of gingerbread using nutritious soy milk and vegan friendly versions have even been put on the table.

Many brave and fierce social activists have taken to Twitter to applaud these delicious new hate destroyers. Here’s a few notable tweets we were able to find:

NPC Daily stands by the new persons of gingerbread and plans to donate as much money and soy milk to bakeries across the country as possible. Don’t forget to keep up with NPC Daily for more groundbreaking and accurate reporting on the issues that matter!

Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.
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