Culture

It’s time to admit the Kentucky Derby was rigged by Trump and Putin

Trump to is to blame. Top Democrats are threatening impeachment.

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Everyone knows that the Kentucky Derby was rigged. Maximum Security, shown below in happier times after winning the Florida Stakes, came across the finish line first, but little known Country House, a 65-1 longshot, was awarded the trophy, causing pandemonium, with 150,000 fans at Churchill Downs overcrowding the Safe Spaces just to have a quiet cry and a cup of soy.

“There was obvious collusion here, and Trump should be impeached.” explained beloved former Secretary of State and First Lady Hillary Rodham-Clinton. All 39 Democratic Socialist candidates for president agreed, but each in x/eir own diverse, unique way:

“It’s obvious that Trump colluded with Putin to rig the Derby”, said Joe Biden, taking time out for some selfies with young fans.

“It’s obvious that Trump colluded with Putin to fix the Derby”, said Kamala Harris, who demanded, “yes or no”, that Trump confess before 8:00 a.m. (Pacific Time) tomorrow.

“It’s obvious that Trump colluded with Putin to rig the Derby”, reasoned Senator Corey Booker, who increased his relevancy when he recently cracked the Top 20 in Democratic Socialist polls.

“It’s obvious that Trump colluded with Putin to fix the Derby and hurt working families”, said Senator Elizabeth Warren, who fights for working families.

Adding to the growing mountain of evidence of this equestrian collusion is the eyewitness account of a woman who made chilling observations after the race: Barron Trump was seen with Judge Kavanaugh cashing in winning tickets on Country House immediately after the race. The witness’ name is currently being withheld by her attorney Michael Avenatti for safety reasons.

Stayed tuned to NPC Daily for updates on this critical investigation.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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