Culture

#SoySlurp challenge taking the nation by storm to fight bigotry and homophobia

Brave liberals glug soy by the gallons to defy hate

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Written by Neville Percival Croft

Soy is the lifeblood for many fierce and honorable liberal activists. To be honest, I don’t think I could go a single day without it. Our diets have been blessed by it and as a result, we have reaped the benefits. Our toxic masculinity is virtually non-existent, our bodies are cleansed with righteous justice and our ability to defy Trump’s violent rhetoric has never been stronger.

Sadly, many conservatives and cyber fascists don’t seem to share our feelings on this delicacy. We are belittled and mocked for our love of soy and deemed “soy boys” by those unworthy. To counter these acts of hatred, liberal activists have created the glorious #SoySlurp challenge. The challenge involves the participants consuming five cups of nutritious soy milk each day to show solidarity with those viciously bullied by conservative thinkers.

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Thousands upon thousands have leapt to the realms of social media to show their new found appreciation of soy and it’s benefits. One such person was avid soy connoisseur Wil Wheaton, who was delighted to see so many brave liberals participate. Here’s what he had to say:

Yassss Queeeeeen! Now is the time to be alive! Obviously I’m a huuuuuge fan of the #SoySlurp challenge and glug glug glug my five cups a day. For some time, I was harassed and mentally violated online for my soy addiction, but now I have thousands of others who share my devotion. Drumpf is finished now!

  • Wil Wheaton, professional administrator of soy.
Wheaton looking stunning and brave after his five cups

Many of our own reporters and analysts have decided to take the challenge including myself, cherished activist Jared Michelle and the fierce Resistance “R” Personified. The results show and our testosterone is at a beautiful all-time low! Even lower than the zirs at BuzzFeed, now that’s progress!

Remember folks, five cups of soy a day keeps the toxic masculinity away!

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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