Ed and Brian Krassenstein banned from Twitter and why this is Trump’s fault

Another piece of evidence in Trump's collusion with Russia

Written by Neville Percival Croft.

We are truly living in the dark ages now. The Trump regime is notorious in its treatment of others with differing opinions, with brave journalists such as myself, Dustin Levitt, Quinn and Resistance “R” Personified being marginalized and oppressed just for doing our jobs. While the resistance has made remarkable steps in combating this tyrannical ruler, it has faced many setbacks including the most recent and devastating loss. Recently renowned resisters Brian and Ed Krassenstein, famous for their heroism on the Twitter frontlines, have been suspended from Twitter. This is not okay…

This is just one example of Brian destroying Trump in online warfare.

Of course, this horrific news has sown the seeds chaos here at the NPC Daily headquarters. For the vast majority of us, the Krassensteins were our heroes. Nothing inspired us more than a pair of soy fuelled lovers on a quest to defeat an orange dragon. Many of our reporters have retreated to our designated emergency safe spaces but our trans-abled employees have had difficulty getting there quick enough. Tears flood our offices and the soothing sound of CNN broadcasts is the only thing keeping us sane.

This is literally not right. I just can’t even right now… The emergency soy supplies are running low and everyone is curled up in a ball in shock! R… Russia must have done this… I just know it… Please excuse me, I really need my cry corner right now. I’m shaking so hard I can barely breathe.

  • Jared Michelle, esteemed NPC Daily journalist

Quite frankly, it goes without saying that Trump is responsible for this. For too long have the Krassenstein sisters been a thorn in his nasty orange side, which is why he must have employed his Russian agents to forcefully silence them. Well it’s too little too late for Trump. Millions have heard the inspiring message of the daring duo and those millions will no doubt resist even harder in their names. If there is any time to protest, it’s now.

NPC Daily demands that the Krassensteins have their accounts restored and that Twitter instead suspends dangerous, white supremacist voices like Paul Joseph Watson, Candace Owens and even evil emperor Trump himself. We wish both Brian and Ed luck in whatever new endevours await them and hope that Twitter acknowledges our completely reasonable requests.

Diversity is our strength.

Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.
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