Donald Trump colluded with Russia to hack the EU elections, here’s how

A startling new discovery which cannot be ignored

Written by Neville Percival Croft

The recent EU elections have been a disaster. All across Europe fascist, far right parties have emerged victorious in countries such as France, Hungary, Poland and the UK to name a few. Literal bigots like alt-right figurehead Nigel Farage and the sinister Matteo Salvini have seemingly swayed a vast amount of people to garner to their cause. However, we know the truth. After a long and tiresome investigation, our NPC Daily journalists have to come to the conclusion that it was in fact Donald Trump who has caused this rise of hate in Europe. There is no doubt that Trump and his Russian minions colluded to hack the election.

Guy Verhofstadt EU
Once again we turn to the enlightened guidance of Guy Verhofstadt, the only one who can help us make sense in these irrational times.

Instinctively, our journalists decided to question EU politician Guy Verhofstadt for the answers regarding how Trump hacked the EU elections. His replies were truly frightening…

I’ve spent the last several hours in tears so please bear with me. My dreams of more Europe are drifting away now thanks to that depraved orange freak! It has to be the Russian bots again, they have most certainly infiltrated our nations and hacked the vote. I call for all cheese to be seized from these bigoted nations! That’ll teach them a lesson.

  • Guy Verhofstadt, exalted, charming and stunningly brave EU politician.

That’s all you need to hear my dear reader. Irrefutable proof which is backed up further by the studies of our very own journalists. Trump definitely enlisted the help of Russia to further sow division and hate within the magnificent EU regions, and this calls for action. We demand that Trump is impeached effective immediately and is replaced by someone more suited to the role of President like the first Native American candidate Elizabeth Warren or the hands on Joe Biden. Only then can we save Europe and America.

Diversity is our strength.

Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.
Back to top button