Trump

BREAKING: Unredacted Mueller findings reveal Trump’s secret cauliflower plantation

ICE separates families at border while forcing detainees to pick cauliflower

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Fact: we all have an “inner farmer”, yearning to grow our own yucca and plantains in a sustainable Green Space. Yet because of greedy corporations, Trump, and ICE (who separate families at the border just to mean to children whose parents have violent criminal histories), we are enslaved by supermarket oligarchs, who force us into buying what they make us buy, including white men’s preferences like cauliflower.

Cauliflower is well-known to front line communities of color as yet another emblem of slavery and colonialism that have caused a national divide along racial lines, which is Trump’s fault. Cauliflower in particular has been as much a symbol of hatred as Christopher Columbus and General George Custer. Andrew Jackson, whose picture is on the $20 bill for now, ate cauliflower like it was his job.

Contemporaries of the first bigot-president Jackson chronicle the obsession the racist general and president had for cauliflower, and the often blind rage he displayed against any one who tried to separate him from the all-white vegetable. “I just asked the general if I could clear his plate because I thought he was done eatin’. He forced a big helpin’ of mashed potatoes (note: yet another white vegetable) down my throat!” wrote a former Jackson servant.

And Jackson’s servants were not the only ones who suffered if they interfered with Jackson’s bigoted vegetable of choice. “My people brought maize and yucca to trade with the white general Jackson, hoping we could try the white man’s vegetable, “wrote Chief Kill-Mirror Warren, a native person of color and ancestor of U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren, who fights for working families. “He told us he would scalp our asses if we touched his white food, while pointing his bayonet at us.”

If you are thinking cauliflower based oppression of people of color is ancient history, guess again. Today, we all know that ICE separates families at the southern border because of Trump’s immigration laws. We already knew from CNN and MSNBC that migrant children between abortion age (birth through age 13) are locked in small cages.

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Until now, we did not know what happened to healthy migrant adults age 14 and up, until the stunning news learned from newly unredacted parts of the Mueller Report. Healthy adults aged 14 and up are forced into labor at a secret cauliflower plantation owned by Barron Trump, son of President Trump. ICE agents act as overseers on the plantation, where migrants are forced not only to farm, but to eat the insidious white vegetable.

CNN broke this story, after secretly interviewing a migrant plantation worker. “It’s worse than jail. I got yucca in jail, even plantains. I had menu choices. Not here. We get Big Macs every day. I can’t even …” whispered an oppressed plantation worker, who had served a 4 year sentence for indecent assault before Trump’s agents deported him. “We do not get a living wage, only housing and three meals a day, none of which include yucca.” explained the guest worker through tearing eyes.

NPC Daily may soon have an embedded reported at this secret plantation, when we can find one who can live without yucca.; Stay tuned.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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