Culture

How Tim Pool converts innocent viewers into alt-right bigots

The making of a YouTube radical

True Patriot Wear

We all know how cruel and deceptive Tim Pool is. From his gradual radicalisation of unsuspecting folk to his constant misinformed lies about objective mainstream media sources, Tim Pool is arguably one of the most dangerous people lurking in the realms of the internet.

WATCH: Exposing the motive behind media smears of YouTube

As part of his propoganda campaign, Tim has made the horrendous accusation that beloved mainstream media outlets have gone out of their way to target smaller content creators by attempting to deplatform them. It goes without saying that this is ludicrous without a shadow of a doubt. In fact, the mere act of agreeing with Tim’s bigoted sentiments practically makes you a fascist. Instead of listening to intolerant hate endorsers like this monster, people should enrich themselves with bastions of knowledge from incredibly accurate and objective news outlets like Vox, the fabulous New York Times and of course NPC Daily.

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After all, mainstream media sources would never dream of deceiving their viewers, especially since we develop the BEST content, which cannot be said for fascists like Tim Pool. Despite his large number of subscribers, the quality of his content is disastrous, unlike the mainstream media outlets I listed earlier.

Tim’s argument about censorship is misplaced anyway. A simple gander at the deplatformed channels reveals that they were spreading Nazi propoganda and hatred. Just look at those hateful history channels that thought it was a good idea to spread Nazi bigotry and then had the audacity to claim that it was a collection of historical information! Clearly the history community has a Nazi problem which needs addressing.

As a handsome and stunningly-brave senior report for NPC Daily whose journalistic integrity is above scrutiny, I recently sat down with one of Tim Pool’s victims over a refreshing soy latte at an empty Starbucks at nine o’clock on a weekday morning. The poor xir was so literally frightened that xe was only willing to speak under the condition of total anonymity — which is why no one else was around to witness our meeting.

Croft: Before we get started, might I inquire as to your gender identity?

Victim: If you don’t mind, xir, I would prefer not to say.

Croft: Perfectly understandable — this is a delicate situation. Might I inquire after to your choice of pronouns?

Victim: If you don’t mind, xir, I’d rather not share those either.

Croft: Whatever it takes to make you comfortable. I identify as a greysexual novigender, and my pronouns are xe/xir. Now, why don’t you tell me about Tim Pool?

Victim: Tim Pool is a DANGEROUS hate agent who needs to be deplatformed.

Croft: Agreed, agreed. And how is it that his videos came to radicalize you?

Victim: If you don’t mind, xir, I’d rather not say that either. Too triggering, you see.

Croft: Mmm… yes. I do recall you mentioning something earlier about suffering from PTSD

Victim: PTSD, indeed.

Croft: A common complaint among millennials.

Victim: Indeed.

Croft: Indeed. But I trust you are feeling better now? No more alt-right bigoted microaggressive thoughts?

Victim: None at all, my good xir! I am pleased to report myself fully recovered from this terrible ordeal.

Croft: Why, wonderful, wonderful! And how, my good xir, did you go about recovering from this terrible ordeal?

Victim: Why, by following NPC Daily. Liking and sharing each and every article. Becoming a patron. Spending a great deal of money at the NPC Daily Shop. And always making sure to click on the banner ads from the sponsors.

Croft: A heartwarming tale if ever I heard one!

Victim: Indeed xir, and might I say how much your own articles have, above all else, inspired me to reject the wicked bigotry of Tim Pool and become a better persyn of novigender?

Croft: You do flatter me, good xir.

Victim: Not at all, good xir. Why, you are clearly the most handsome, clever, and stunningly brave reporter here at NPC Daily. Surely no other is more deserving of a raise and a corner office!

Croft: Why, thank you, xir. I’ll be sure to pass that along to my editor.

Victim: Splendid! I only hope ze will be amenable to offering you a fair wage. I dread to imagine the consequences of zir refusal.

Croft: Me too. I am literally shaking.

Victim: The stress of being treated like an indentured servant could jolly well grow to be too much. You might begin to… remember things differently. Like the last time ze asked you to stay late to discuss an article.

Croft: The Krassensisters story. My editor and I were alone.

Victim: There was no one else around?

Croft: Not even Ahmed, our trans-Latinx persyn of janitor.

Ahmed, our trans-Latinx persyn of janitor

Victim: Recovered memories are a common complaint among millennials.

Croft: Indeed.

Victim: Indeed. And if those memories should happen to lead to allegations of sexual impropriety…

Croft: That would be rather problematic for my editor.

Victim: Indeed.

Croft: Indeed.

Victim: Believe women and greysexual novigenders.

Croft: Indeed.

Victim: Indeed.

There you have it, folks! Tim Pool radicalized that handsome xir into a Nazi, and it was NPC Daily (the articles authored by myself in particular) that saved xir from the foul clutches of the alt-right.

NPC Daily stands in solidarity with the mainstream media and against radical hate agents like Tim Pool. As a preventative measure, we strongly suggest visiting our shop to order one of our anti-Nazi helmets, guaranteed to block Tim from using his mind-control beanie to livestream bigotry into your brains.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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