In a victory for inclusiveness and equality, the International Olympic Committee has voted unanimously to overturn more than a century of oppressive policies involving segregation of teams by “natural” sex. Finally, athletes will be free to compete according to their true identity and not by the random sex imposed on them by biology.
But this isn’t just another rule allowing transgender people to compete.
Nancy Pelosi, bringing her Title X spirit to the XXIII games, made the announcement Friday that all participants will play on the team with which they identify at any given moment during the competition. This will finally allow gender-fluid participants to move freely from men’s to women’s teams (or vice versa, although that has surprisingly never happened to date) at any point that they begin to identify as the opposite gender.
Warren Katy, a currently male curling champion, says he has been waiting for this moment since he first picked up his broom as a child. “I always knew I might be a girl, because I just loved to sweep. And I wasn’t able to make the boy’s curling team, so that just completely proved that I wasn’t really a boy.”
Not surprisingly, the move has faced criticism from intolerant conservatives. “I just think it’s going to be a little chaotic, with people running from one team to the other during the middle of the competitions,” complained Brent Besten, a bitter hockey player who clearly doesn’t respect biological athletic freedom. “I’m not a bigot, but I think this is going to really complicate the games.”
Pelosi, speaking for all open-minded people everywhere, responded to Besten in a brilliant Twitter response. “If you are afraid of a little difficulty, maybe you don’t belong in the Olympics,” she quipped.
Tolerant and loving people everywhere will certainly agree.