Politics

The Pope will officially endorse Joe Biden for President

"He 'gets it' now" declares Pontiff

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BREAKING: His holiness the Pope is about to endorse Joe Biden for President! The usually tight-lipped Vatican leaked the news of the pending endorsement to NPC Daily and other trusted news sources CNN and MSNBC after Biden and son Hunter made a trip to the Vatican for a personal audience with the Pope.

In an unrelated press release, Hunter Biden was announced as the Catholic church’s newest cardinal.

Look it, I’ve been watching people make fun of Biden for months about the kid-touching, weird kisses and hugs, you name it, for months. And trust me, no has gone through all of that headache than us (the Catholic church). But he very professionally announced that “he gets it now” as far as kissing the youngsters and pinching their fannies. Back in the day, no one bitched or snitched about that kind of good natured fun; no one knows that better than us (the Vatican)

  • Pope Francis

“Joe Biden knew enough not to apologize for his past behavior. He played it smarter than our American archdioceses did; we ended up paying millions in civil damages after a few dodos apologized. “Apology” means “guilty” in your American courts. Joe is way to smart for that.” continued the Pope.

The Pope explained that Hunter Biden’s selection as a new cardinal had nothing to do with the endorsement. “He is qualified, period. His foreign experience in China and the Ukraine, as well as his honorable service in the Navy, is what sold us on Hunter; it had nothing to do with Joe being his dad. We (the Vatican) are happy with this arrangement. Joe gets my endorsement, Hunter gets a new job, fresh start, yada yada, and we get Joe as our plug to cap liability on the priest abuse lawsuits. The guy really does get it.”

CNN polls now show that Biden is leading Trump in a head to head race by 107 %.

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Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.

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