Written by Neville Percival Croft
As an NPC Daily journalist, it is my sworn duty to tell the truth no matter the circumstances. This case is no different. In light of the upcoming 2020 election, it’s time I reveal a truth I’ve kept hidden for the last few weeks: I was sexually assaulted by Donald Trump. This is my story.
It was at Trump rally a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately Drumpf doesn’t allow for NPC Daily journalists to to report there which just goes to show how much he hates the truth. Knowing this, I snuck in disguised as a Trump supporter. Wearing that sickening red hat has scarred me for life. Once he finished his literally Hitler speech, I went to ask a question about how much he hates anyone who isn’t a straight white male. Sadly my question was met with a grope. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me to get a real job.
Ever since this awful incident I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist, my emergency therapist and a local spiritual healer. Not only did he grope my unsuspecting shoulder, but he insulted my career and the integrity of NPC Daily as a whole. I for one am literally shaking to the point where I can’t even. Not once did he ask for my consent.
The worst part is that it isn’t only this journalist that was assaulted by Trump, several other esteemed NPC Daily employees were also groped by the demonic orange overlord including Jared Michelle and Resistance “R” Personified. I was unable to discuss the assaults with R who has been sent to undergo emergency soy therapy after Drumpf breathed in his direction, so instead I managed to talk to Jared regarding his attack.
I… I’m quaking… Drumpf made eye contact with me at an interview and I can barely cope anymore. Each day I wake up thinking about the nasty orange face that stared right at me. It haunts my dreams. Dear lord make it stop!
- Jared Michelle, fabulous NPC Daily journalist and Trump assault survivor.
This is not okay. Each day more and more men, women and Greysexual Novigenders bravely come out to tell the world about how Trump has ruined their lives. NPC Daily urges as many victims and survivors as possible to share their stories in the hope of finally getting that grizzly monster impeached.
Diversity is our strength.
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