Ask Neville

Ask Neville – The answers to all your progressive questions

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Greetings comrades, Neville Percival Croft here to announce the Ask Neville column of NPC Daily. Viewers can submit their own questions and I will answer some of them as inoffensively as possible here in this column for all you lovely zirs to see each weekend. Questions can be about a range of topics including relationships, ettiquette and, my personal favourite, #resisting. Without further ado, let’s get on with the first set of questions!

“How do I explain to my wife and her main boyfriend that I feel like I’m being excluded from the bedroom?”

First of all, you sit down your wife’s boyfriend and raise your concerns to him. If your wife’s boyfriend identifies as a minority group then you must listen to and obey everything he (or other inclusive pronoun) demands. However, you cannot raise this issue to your wife. That would be mansplaining, a horrific offense that your inner toxic masculinity subconsciously tries to commit. I suggest reading my new novel ‘Polygamy 101: How to support your person of vagina in the bedroom’. The Krassensteins are also a great source of information on effective polygamy.

“Hi Neville! I’ve found myself stood in front of POCs in lines and I don’t know how to be more inclusive around them. Any advice?”

Often when I find myself in a queue behind a POC, or any minority person for that matter, I try to conjure up the most inclusive ways to accommodate them in this oppressive world. During my lunch times at the British NPC Daily headquarters, I always let the minority employees cut in the queue for lunch. This often means I don’t get a lunch, but it’s worth it. I like to think of it as a form of reparations.

“Resisting Drumpf is tiring and hard. What do you recommend I do to keep energized in Trump’s America?”

When I protested against the bad orange man’s horrendous visit, I was sure to consume as many soy lattes as possible. I highly recommend avocado or pumpkin spice soy lattes. They have a little extra woke goodness infused within the soy to give you little extra boosts of energy that you’ll need to stay sane in Trump’s America. Don’t forget to carry a safe space pet around with you little a cat or a rabbit to cuddle. That way every time a MAGA hat wearing fascist tries to belittle you, you can hold onto your animal companion for safety.


Have a question? Click HERE to Ask Neville and your question could be answered in the next Ask Neville column!

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.
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