Trump orders Apache Attack Helicopters for border patrol and ICE

Trump uses money meant for vegan toothpaste and diapers for children caged at border

Let’s face it, no one in America agreed with Trump when he tweeted mean things about The Squad, the four patriotic women socialists of color who seized power from aging Democrats and demand basic human rights for people of color, especially immigrants who Trump has locked up in cages at the southern border. The Squad, who have attained super-hero status with voters in both parties, have demanded a living wage for ALL people (not just Americans, who need it the least), free housing, education, medicare for all immigrants, and free Starbucks gift cards for every migrant who enters America.

CNN polls show that these four progressive women of color all enjoy a 99% approval rating among all people, and that nearly all Americans just want the southern border opened up so this nonsense will stop, and Congress can get back to pressing issues like the Green New Deal, gun confiscation, and the elimination of genders.

Angered by this, and still mad he could not build a racist, homophobic wall, Trump today revealed a new executive order under which he allocated funds, intended for toothpaste, diapers, and build-a-bear kits for children locked in cages at the southern border, where the racist-in-chief separated children from their law-abiding, oppressed parents, to buy Apache Attack Helicopters for federal Border Patrol and ICE agents. He also used some of the funding for his “Space Force” for this new military deal with ICE, explaining that “the money will be used to fight illegal aliens. We have been knocking down Somali pirate ships with these things for years, they work great, best gunships in history, maybe the best ever, wonderful missiles and machine guns. It’ll be great practice before we start using this stuff in outer space”, explained the grinning bigot.

Always willing to answer tough questions without walking away, Squad members Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tliab, and Ayanna Pressley are fighting back. In a powerful three-pronged counterattack against Trump, the Squad announced plans to spend the last two weeks that Congress is in session drafting and speaking about a non-binding resolution condemning Trump, as well as appearing on CNN and MSNBC to call Trump a racist, and of course, posting on Instagram that orange man bad. “That strategy is brilliant, and simply cannot fail”, analyzed Joy Behar on the View.

And she was 100 % correct, judging by the View’s audience applause.

“So.., like, you literally can’t shoot bombs and stuff without a warrant. This is racist and I’m signing a law that says Trump is a racist.” Announced Squad Leader AOC. Congresspersons of Color Tliab and Omar, and the 4th squad member, co-signed the bill. Other woke Democrats, some of color, weighed in to support the Squad’s fight:

Eric Swallowall (D-California): “Oh yeah, well if he is going to do that, then we can arm the migrants with guns we can take from Americans. See how Trump likes that.”

Sen. Elizabeth Warren: “I am enraged that these horrible war machines are named “Apache”; This is 2019, that is racist and it’s time to stop all profits. I fight for working families.”

Senator Kamala Harris: “I was one of the first children to have Hellfire missiles shot at me, and it is personally hurtful. This is as close to literally crying that I can get.”

Beto O’Rourke: “ ¡ Yo soy enraged !”

Senator Corey Booker: “Yo soy enraged tambien.”

But Trump remained unfazed. “Have you seen these Hellfire Missiles shooting down boats, drones and what have you? These are great missiles, the best missiles maybe ever!” boasted Trump while sitting behind a machine gun on one of the copters, which his son Barron was co-piloting.

When NPC Daily queried Trump about the warrant issue raised by AOC, he fired one of the copter’s machine guns in the air and laughed, “Here’s your warrant.”

Diversity is our strength.

Pepe Johnson

Robert ("Pepe") Johnson is a Gen YZ freelance social justice facilitator. A graduate of Palo Alto State with a major in Mime, with a concentration in Walking Against the Wind, with post-graduate online certificates of knowledge in Non-Binary Gender Studies and 21st Century Bathroom Planning, "Pepe" has performed as a nude mime and human statue, as well as a professional protestor. "Pepe" is a nickname, but he has been called that since childhood, not for current political gain or to seem more Mexican. This entire site is satire.
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