Culture

The Republican party is evil and why you’re a bigot if you’re not at least a little gay

After a year of reporting totally not fake news, we now know how to take our country back

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Today marks the one year anniversary of NPC Daily and our privilege couldn’t be checked any harder if we got featured on PinkNews. It’s been a year since our crusade began to wage war against the bigoted conservatives who think an unborn baby’s life is sacred yet feel no sympathy for the persecution of Hispanic MS-13 members seeking asylum simply because of the color of their skin.

As if it hasn’t been said for a year already, it’s no secret that the term “conservative” and “white supremacist POC hating fascist Nazi” are interchangeable. Is our country great again? Absolutely not.

There are children violently ripped from their mothers’ bloody arms and shoved into small cages not large enough for a Yorkshire Terrier, Latinxs from across the nation are forced to drink the water out of soiled toilets and Europe has just experienced the hottest summer on record.

This is all due to the Republican party and conservative ideology. Let’s be 100% crystal clear. Unless you’re a bleeding heart die-hard liberal who would tax the middle class at 90% in order to subsidize the heroin addiction of an undocumented member of San Francisco’s sanctuary population, don’t even pretend like you wouldn’t have been complicit in the 1940’s against Hitler’s ethnic cleansing. You would have stood idly by as the Nazis kidnapped the Jews and threw them into death camps, laughed about it, and chanted how you’d want to keep Germany great.

Let’s be 100% clear again. Conservatives tend to be against same-sex marriage. Obviously this means they hate all gay people, all members of the LGBTQ community, there are no conservative members of the LGBTQ community and they wouldn’t blink an eye before seeing a Hitlerian style cleansing of the rainbow flag.

Consider the following. Can you truly be an ally to the LGBTQ community if you’ve never taken part in their activities? Could you really call yourself a veteran of the armed forces if you’ve never joined the military? Calling yourself an ally of the LGBTQ movement means nothing if you’ve never been a part of it. It’s a form of cultural appropriation and should never be tolerated.

Therefore, it goes without saying that if you have never experimented with same-sex activities, you’re an outlier of the cause. You’re not a true ally of the movement and in fact, you’re against it. As a non-ally to the LGBTQ community, this puts you in the same category as the white supremacists who voted Trump into office in the first place and you’re complicit in his inevitable reelection in 2020.

If you’re not with us, you’re against us. If you don’t check your privilege on a daily basis, you’re against us. If you don’t seek to pay reparations for slavery regardless of whether or not your ancestors took part in America’s original sin, you’re against us. If you don’t secretly hope that the next mass shooter is somehow affiliated with the NRA, Trump or is at the very least a conservative, you’re against us.

Being a progressive liberal is difficult but rewarding work. It takes a true hero to wake up every morning to find the latest piece of news or the most recent event or spoken line on which to take offense. If you’re on our side, you know how exhausting it is find the latest way to paint Trump in a bad light, which is why we need to consistently think outside the box.

We at NPC Daily have been adept at expressing our wokeness by predicting events long before they become reality. We predicted the passing of the New York abortion law that allows safe legal and rare abortion of a fetus in it’s third trimester. We predicted the inevitable feud between Nancy Pelosi of the DNC and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of the new progressives. We predicted the backlash against white people owning pets clearly being racist.

We predicted the crackdown of social media on conservative outlets long before Facebook, Twitter and Google finally began to do their job and influence people to vote correctly.

READ: It’s time to admit that NPC Daily can successfully predict social justice movements before they happen – Complete list of NPC Daily predictions

Conservative sites, conservative news and conservative satire are all the same thing – conservative propaganda rebelling against the liberal machine we know to be right and true especially since we hear it all day everyday on the news. We thank Zuckerberg and the other heads of the Silicon Valley tech giants for their algorithms to detect fake news and fact check everything we see and hear before it reaches our ears and eyes.


Because you see, we can pretend that we’re just having a laugh. We can pretend that it’s all for fun and games but the truth makes it considerably more comical. The real problem is the fact that the only reason NPC Daily isn’t banned is because the same algorithms that keep liberal news and authoritatively progressive sources in and keep conservative propaganda out are the same algorithms that keep NPC Daily appearing on your screens.

We sound indistinguishable from liberal news sources and our article headlines don’t flag their radars. We don’t use the trigger words that alert the bots and programs running the search engines of Google and Facebook. We use “Trump” and “racist” in the same sentence so we shoot to the top just as the algorithms are programmed to do.

It’s a joke, but they don’t get it. It’s a game but they’re not seeing it. Every article we post, every picture we share and every piece of content that goes viral is just another piece of evidence that NPCs on both sides simply can’t tell the difference anymore between the truth and a joke without the occasional Snopes post flagging an article about a guy in a stock photo who sold his testicles to raise money for the Bernie Sanders 2020 campaign.

We have a little over a year until the next election. We have a year left to focus our attention on the right-wing hate crimes while ignoring any violence that comes from peaceful Antifa protesters or individuals calmly displaying their dissatisfaction with the status quo by storming ICE facilities and harassing Fox News hosts at their homes at night.

We have a year left to make the difference we know we can. You know it, we know it, everyone knows it. Now repeat after me: “Orange man bad.”

Readers of NPC Daily,
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NPC

The creator of NPC Daily. The mastermind behind the entire NPC Daily movement. Yes, this entire website is satire and not meant to be taken seriously. It's for fun. Chill. See "about" page for more details. Now that we got that taken care of, repeat after me: "Orange man the absolute worst."

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