World Events

Donald Trump murdered Jeffrey Epstein, here’s how

Another act of collusion with Russia

Swagnets

Written by Neville Percival Croft

It’s no lie that Trump has a lot of enemies and people he desperately wants to get rid of. What makes this worse is that his ties to Putin only increase this already staggering number of adversaries. Recently, we’ve seen just how Trump permanently eradicates those in his path in the form the murder of criminal Jeffrey Epstein. 

Epstein was betrayed by his former friend Trump after the orange menace declared his loyalty to Putin.

This shocking piece of information was revealed after stunningly brave and courageous congressperson of colour Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had some democratic socialist agents conduct a secret investigation into this pressing matter.

My agents have, like, uncovered the truth. They knew Trumpy and Jefferstein were, like, friends, so when Jefferstein got processcuted, the bad orange man wanted to, like, tie up loose ends. He got Putin to, like, send some Russian bots to hack their way into the concentration camp and kill him. This is textbook fascism!

  • Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, environmental genius and America’s moral compass.

What more do you need, dear reader? Here we have it straight from the lips of America’s greatest arbiter of truth. If this isn’t enough to have Trump impeached then nothing is. 

Unfortunately, discussion of Trump’s crime is being conveniently tucked away in the realms of Twitter by the alt-right trolls. They have initiated the infamous and wildly incorrect #ClintonBodyCount conspiracy theory. No doubt this was in order to sway innocent individuals into thinking that feminist icon Hillary “it was her turn” Clinton was the mastermind behind this operation.

We urge everyone to go to Twitter with the truth about Epstein’s death using #TrumpBodyCount to make people realise just how monstrous and wicked Trump really is.

Would someone with a face this charming really hurt anyone?

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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