Hate Crimes

Why it should be considered a hate crime to use plastic straws

What to do when you see someone hatefully using a plastic straw

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If there’s one thing we know for sure in the world, it’s the fact that plastic straws are the number one cause of global pollution. In every corner and crevice of the ocean, there are plastic straws lodged in the blowholes of every dolphin and stuck in the noses of every sea turtle. This has to stop and the only way to do so is to shame those who use them.

Because of the environmental detriment of plastic straws, if one uses such a hateful device to sip their beverage, they would be engaging in a hate crime against humanity. Earth is the only shot we have and there is no “planet B”.

When Trump thought it would be a good idea to boost his campaign finances by selling “Trump” branded plastic straws, it is a hateful and bigoted slap in the face to the environmentally progressive community. We can’t let this continue and we can’t let this ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for.

I walked into Starbucks to get myself a vanilla soy latte and the MAGA hat wearing barista gave me a plastic straw. I shook for literally 30 seconds and screamed. I told him how much of a hateful bigot he was for giving me a plastic straw. He then took off his MAGA hat and apologized and checked his privilege. Everyone in the Starbucks stood up and applauded.

  • Nancy Toombler, 22, UC Davis

Stories like this are inspirational. With some heartfelt reactions to such bigotry, you can change the world one xenophobe at a time. The next time you see someone using a plastic straw, feel free to express your disdain for their hateful actions by curling up in the fetal position and screaming. People will take you seriously and see you as the hero you are.

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NPC

The creator of NPC Daily. The mastermind behind the entire NPC Daily movement. Yes, this entire website is satire and not meant to be taken seriously. It's for fun. Chill. See "about" page for more details. Now that we got that taken care of, repeat after me: "Orange man the absolute worst."

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