Dating has become something increasingly pushed aside by the dashingly brave and fearless heroes of Antifa. With all their stunning activism, both online and outside their mother’s basements, they’ve been unable to express their love towards their fellow comrades. Well, not any longer.
A new Antifa dating app called “Antifabulous” has been taking several nations by storm, including America, the UK, and parts of Europe. Now comrades are able to finally find the loves of their lives from different Antifa communities worldwide. The app was designed by senior Antifa spokesperson of the pansexual division Tristan Soyson, who we interviewed recently.
I’m very privileged in that I have a theyfriend, even if I have to share zir with several men. Unfortunately many of my Antifa comrades do not. They’re so busy smashing the fash and dismantling the patriarchy that love is no longer seen as necessary. After all, they are trying to save the world, with force if necessary. Maybe now with my app they can find other unique individuals to share a soy latte or a quick protest with.
- Tristan Soyson, senior spokesperson for the Antifa pansexual division.
So far the app is a wild success. Comrades across the globe have found their dream Antifa theyfriend!
The app has state-of-the-art inclusivity never before seen in the dating world. Users can select which of the 312 gender identities they’re interested in dating and the traditional gender binary is nowhere to be seen!
Unfortunately, Antifabulous has encountered some glaring problems. There have been a number of complaints that the potential spouses all look the same, with most donning the bold black masks, Baseball bats and helmets. While we here at NPC Daily find that look to be incredibly attractive and sexy, we can see why it might put off a few less-hardcore comrades.
Another complaint is that MAGA fascists and Russian bots have hacked the app and pretend to be #resisters! I myself thought I met a lovely non-binary Antifa comrade of colour from Baltimore called Natalia Patricia Crumpetsworth. Sadly, it turns out Natalia was actually a MAGA fascist called Brutus Goebbels who duct taped me to a tree! I waited for several hours for my rescue, and even then the persons of police thought it was a good idea to take bigoted selfies as I suffered!
Despite these obvious flaws, many of my fellow NPC Daily journalists and Antifa activists have found love. Esteemed journalist Jared Michelle has already been on 15 dates with a diverse range of comrades including lesbians of size and aquagender otherkins.
We wish Tristan all the best with his patriarchy smashing new app and hope that the comrades using it find love. Only then will the next generation of Antifa resisters come into fruition.
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