Written by Neville Percival Croft
It’s no surprise that the new Joker movie has unleashed an onslaught of radical, alt-right incels upon our society. Emboldened by their new idol, they’ve taken to the realms of the internet and began their crusade of harassing women, ridiculing persyns of differing gender and targeting ethnic minorities.
The most startling part though is that perfectly progressive, unique individuals have found themselves completely brainwashed by the bad clown man. One such individual is Tristan Soysworth, a former senior Antifa spokesperson of the pansexual division, who turned into the very thing he swore to destroy. We brought him here for an interview to discuss how he fell into the alt-right rabbit hole.
Tristan: Greetings comrade Neville, pleasure to be back in the headquarters. Just a shame it’s under such sad circumstances.
Croft: Great to have you back, Tristan. Before we start, please remind me of your preferred pronouns.
Tristan: It used to be xe/xir, but after th… the incident… it’s now he/him.
Croft: I’m already shocked and shaking. Please Tristan I beg you, help me understand why you even decided to watch the bad clown man movie in the first place?
Tristan: Me and some zirs were just going about on our daily patrol. Nothing much, just smashing the fash out of some hate preaching trash cans with our bike locks of peace. We then got confronted by a group of fascists who tried to debate us. They brought out some hate facts so we chased them.
Croft: How did you bashing the fash result in you becoming a brainwashed Nazi?
Tristan: Well me and the zirs followed them into a cinema. No fascist gets away on my watch. Turns out the movie they got into was the Joker and so we ended up watching it. I’m convinced it was a trap.
Croft: I can’t believe the fascists would lure you into such a horrible situation. Truly their corruption knows no bounds.
Tristan: The more I watched the movie, the more I got entranced by it. I never thought I’d sympathize so much with a bigoted white male. His problems were the same as mine. We both live with a parental figure, him with his mother and me with my Grandmother. We both can’t get theyfriends, we both like wearing masks and we both see therapists on a regular basis.
Croft: You sympathized with a white male!? What happened to the Tristan that I used to know? The old Tristan would be too busy educating white males on their privilege rather than feeling sorry for them!
Tristan: Something changed within myself after seeing that movie. No longer did I find myself identifying as a pansexual and I began to take less part in Antifa activities.
Croft: Good heavens…
Tristan: This was only the start of my downfall. After a drunken night of self reflection, I ended up talking to the infamous hacker 4chan online after meeting some hate toads on Twitter. He fed me all sorts of bigoted lies, many of which I’m ashamed to admit I believed. Orange man was no longer bad to me…
Croft: I… I… I can’t even… I need my safety handkerchief…
Tristan: I was a completely different person. I got a job, resigned from Antifa and started dating a female Trump supporter.
Croft: STOP PLEASE! I CAN’T GO ON!
Tristan: Fortunately, one of my comrades noticed my change in behaviour and reported me to the local thought police. My girlfriend and I were arrested by esteemed Officer Greyson Thinknot on the spot and rehabilitated. I’m still recovering and attending de-radicalisation courses for white males.
Croft: Tristan please excuse me… I think my cry closet Kitten is calling me…
Even after hearing of Tristan’s de-radicalisation courses, I was far too inconsolable to carry on the interview.
This is what happens when you make movies about Trump supporters and their lifestyles. This is why we should vote blue no matter who. This is why we need to impeach the MF before more people like Tristan are radicalised.
Diversity is our strength.