Politics

Mark Zuckerberg joins Republican Party after listening to six hours of Democratic talking points

Facebook CEO now expected to endorse Trump

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Mark Zuckerberg has reportedly joined the Republican Party a mere two days after testifying before Congress about Russian disinformation campaigns and white supremacy.

Over the course of his six-hour interrogation, Zuckerberg repeatedly attempted to dodge simple yes-or-no questions such as “In your ongoing dinner parties with far-right figures, some of who advance the conspiracy theory that white supremacy is a joke, did you discuss so-called media bias against conservatives, and do you believe there’s such a bias… that’s okay, I’ll move on” while failing to join congresswomxyzn Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in denouncing The Daily Caller as a white supremacist publication.

He was left stammering by hardball questions from Maxine Waters about the role Facebook had played in depriving Hillary Clinton of her turn in the Oval Office and was unable to account for how Facebook’s proposed digital currency Libra would benefit racial and gender minorities (presumably at the expense of the white cishetero patriarchy).

Those closest to the pain should be closest to the power.

Social media lit up with praise for the congressional Democrats.

“AOC utterly shined in her questioning of Mark Zuckerberg,” gushed Nora Poppy Clutterbuck, a proud member of the Twitter #Resistance. “Every question she asked was intelligent and well thought out. I find it shameful that Zuckerberg would show up so ill prepared to answer them.”

“They gave him ample time to answer,” confirmed one Reddit user who had seen a tweet (posted to Facebook) indicating as much. “Maxine Waters didn’t spend her five minutes lecturing Zuckerberg on the inherent evils of cryptocurrency, Russian interference, and the need to censor Republican campaign ads — that’s just a right-wing talking point”.

“Mark Zuckerberg is a white supremacist, just like Nancy Pelosi,” explains NPC Daily political analyst Saira Rao. “He regularly censors me for pointing out that men are rapists and white people are subhuman bigots. It should come as no surprise that he would finally join the party of the KKK — not after all the times he’s suspended me for saying that white womxyzn deserve to be * * *** ******.

READ: White Nationalist Nancy once again under fire for being a white nationalist

READ: Tweet from Saira Rao suggests she is secretly transphobic and thinks there are only two genders

“It was likely Congresswomxyzn Ocasio-Cortez’s mention of Facebook’s ties to the Daily Caller that prompted Zuckerberg to leave the party of tolerance and human decency,” Mx. Rao’s psychiatrist clarified after giving her charge a shot of thorazine. “He realized there was no fooling Mx. Ocasio-Cortez, whose close ties to the Antifa movement has left her with a heightened awareness of how everyone who disagrees with her is literally a Nazi. It is only natural that he would seek community with other white supremacists.”

NPC Daily utterly condemns white supremacy, white nationalism, and white people in general. We disavow both Mark Zuckerberg and The Daily Caller, because conservative media is garbage and diversity is our strength.

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Staff Writer

A regular contributor to NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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