Written by Neville Percival Croft
Halloween is a frightening time of year for most. Cultural appropriation lurks around every corner, waiting to pounce and scare the life out of ethnic gender minorities. The worst part is that this is a widespread issue perpetuated by your average trick-or-treater. More must be done to address this pressing matter.
“How are you going to protest the spread of cultural appropriation this Halloween, Comrade Neville?” You may ask. Well that’s actually quite simple. I’m dressing up as a white person, and so should you. After all, it’s time to make white people realise just how insidious they can be on Halloween, and what better way to do so than by giving them a taste of their own medicine.
My outfit is actually not that complicated in itself. After all, white culture isn’t very difficult to understand. My face will be completely covered in white paint with a small rectangular mustache drawn on using an ink pen. In terms of my costume, I’ll be dressed in a military uniform with a red armband and military cap.
Whilst I’m out trick or treating, I’ll be sure to start pointing my arm upwards towards the sky and shouting in German to perfectly encapsulate white culture. It’s also important to educate today’s youth on the danger of the white patriarchy through Halloween treats. Girls will be given 70% of the candy boys receive to make them realize just how toxic today’s workplaces really are towards women. An early realization such as this will be sure to convince them to join the #resistance.
Fortunately, I’m not the only NPC Daily journalist dressing up as a white person this Halloween. My dear friend Jared Michelle will be wearing a long white robe with a pointy hat that covers his face and fellow journalists Quinn and Dustin Levitt plan on disguising themselves as Trump Supporters as they tell horror stories of walls and smirking teenagers.
Addressing sickening cultural appropriation is of the utmost importance. That is why we are dressing up as white people this Halloween, and so should you.