Culture

I’m dressing up as a white person this Halloween, and so should you

White people need to be educated on their privilege this Halloween

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Written by Neville Percival Croft

Halloween is a frightening time of year for most. Cultural appropriation lurks around every corner, waiting to pounce and scare the life out of ethnic gender minorities. The worst part is that this is a widespread issue perpetuated by your average trick-or-treater. More must be done to address this pressing matter.

“How are you going to protest the spread of cultural appropriation this Halloween, Comrade Neville?” You may ask. Well that’s actually quite simple. I’m dressing up as a white person, and so should you. After all, it’s time to make white people realise just how insidious they can be on Halloween, and what better way to do so than by giving them a taste of their own medicine.

READ: “The Nightmare Before Christmas” Illustrates the Dangers of Cultural Appropriation

These hate preachers use Halloween as an opportunity to knock on doors and spread their message of intolerance.

My outfit is actually not that complicated in itself. After all, white culture isn’t very difficult to understand. My face will be completely covered in white paint with a small rectangular mustache drawn on using an ink pen. In terms of my costume, I’ll be dressed in a military uniform with a red armband and military cap.

My costume for Halloween is sure to bring attention to the terrors of the white patriarchy.

Whilst I’m out trick or treating, I’ll be sure to start pointing my arm upwards towards the sky and shouting in German to perfectly encapsulate white culture. It’s also important to educate today’s youth on the danger of the white patriarchy through Halloween treats. Girls will be given 70% of the candy boys receive to make them realize just how toxic today’s workplaces really are towards women. An early realization such as this will be sure to convince them to join the #resistance.

Fortunately, I’m not the only NPC Daily journalist dressing up as a white person this Halloween. My dear friend Jared Michelle will be wearing a long white robe with a pointy hat that covers his face and fellow journalists Quinn and Dustin Levitt plan on disguising themselves as Trump Supporters as they tell horror stories of walls and smirking teenagers.

Addressing sickening cultural appropriation is of the utmost importance. That is why we are dressing up as white people this Halloween, and so should you.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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