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PERSPECTIVES: Everything I don’t like should be banned

If I don't like it, it should be banned

EDITOR’S NOTE: A submission from one of our bright and talented young interns. Truly there is hope for the future.

I don’t like racism. It should be banned. I don’t like misogyny. It should be banned. I don’t like ageism. It should be banned. I don’t like ableism. It should be banned. I don’t like hate speech. It should be banned. I don’t like free speech. It should be banned. I don’t like bigots. They should be banned. I don’t like fascists. They should be banned. I don’t like Nazis. They should be banned. I don’t like Republicans. They should be banned. I don’t like transphobia. It should be banned. I don’t like misgendering. That should be banned. I don’t like mispronouning. It should be banned. I don’t like microaggressions. They should be banned. I don’t like MAGA hats. They should be banned. I don’t like Trump supporters. They should be banned. I don’t like Russia. It should be banned. I don’t like Orange Man. He should be banned. I don’t like Brett Kavanaugh. He should be banned. I don’t like Mike Pence. He should be banned. I don’t like Ted Cruz. He should be banned. I don’t like Lindsey Graham. He should be banned. I don’t like memes. They should be banned. I don’t like YouTube. It should be banned. I don’t like toxic masculinity. It should be banned. I don’t like rape culture. It should be banned. I don’t like video games. They should be banned. I don’t like gamers. They should be banned. I don’t like comic books. They should be banned. I don’t like anime. It should be banned. I don’t like incels. They should be banned. I don’t like cis males. They should be banned. I don’t like college tuition. It should be banned. I don’t like private insurance. It should be banned. I don’t like capitalism. It should be banned. I don’t like corporations. They should be banned. I don’t like small businesses. They should be banned. I don’t like money. It should be banned. I don’t like commerce. It should be banned. I don’t like private property. It should be banned. I don’t like personal hygiene. It should be banned. I don’t like TERFs. They should be banned. I don’t like Christians. They should be banned. I don’t like Proud Boys. They should be banned. I don’t like black conservatives. They should be banned. I don’t like guns. They should be banned. I don’t like cops. They should be banned. I don’t like the military. It should be banned. I don’t like veterans. They should be banned. I don’t like borders. They should be banned. I don’t like walls. They should be banned. I don’t like the Department of Homeland Security. It should be banned. I don’t like homeland security. It should be banned. I don’t like clapping. It should be banned. I don’t like capital letters. They should be banned. I don’t like unsafe spaces. Those should be banned. I don’t like running out of crayons. That should be banned. I don’t like the color orange. It should be banned. I don’t like the color white. It should be banned. I don’t like white people. They should be banned. I don’t like climate change. It should be banned. I don’t like carbon. It should be banned. I don’t like airplanes. They should be banned. I don’t like cows. They should be banned. I don’t like frogs. They should be banned. I don’t like plastic straws. They should be banned. I don’t like nuclear power. It should be banned. I don’t like solutions. They should be banned. I don’t like Four Chan. He should be banned. I don’t like Gab. It should be banned. I don’t like bad actors. They should be banned. I don’t like unapproved journalists. They should be banned. I don’t like Tim Pool. He should be banned. I don’t like Andy Ngo. He should be banned. I don’t like Sargon. He should be banned. I don’t like The Handsome Selfie Man Who Must Not Be Named. Glad he was banned. I don’t like fitness. It should be banned. I don’t like thin womxyxn. They should be banned. I don’t like beauty. It should be banned. I don’t like conservatives. They should be banned. I don’t like libertarians. They should be banned. I don’t like classical liberals. They should be banned. I don’t like social liberals. They should be banned. I don’t like moderates. They should be banned. I don’t like hatethink. It should be banned. I don’t like comedy. It should be banned. I don’t like laughter. It should be banned. I don’t like Lou Perez. He should be banned. I don’t like Blaire White. She should be banned. I don’t like Ben Shapiro. He should be banned. I don’t like heterosexual marriage. It should be banned. I don’t like Chick-Fil-A. It should be banned. I don’t like gluten. It should be banned. I don’t like dairy products. They should be banned. I don’t like knives. They should be banned. I don’t like narwhal tusks. They should be banned. I don’t like merit-based hiring. It should be banned. I don’t like merit-based promotions. They should be banned. I don’t like working. That should be banned. I don’t like billionaires (unless they’re George Soros). I don’t like millionaires (unless they’re Bernie Sanders). I don’t like biology. It should be banned. I don’t like critical thinking. It should be banned. I don’t like Jordan Peterson. He should be banned. I don’t like Gad Saad. He should be banned. I don’t like nationalism. It should be banned. I don’t like patriotism. It should be banned. I don’t like British sovereignty. It should be banned. I don’t like Brexit. It should be banned. I don’t like freedom of expression. It should be banned. I don’t like freedom of association. It should be banned. I don’t like due process. It should be banned. I don’t like the Second Amendment. It should be banned. I don’t like the Electoral College. It should be banned. I don’t like the United States Constitution. It should be banned. I don’t like civility. It should be banned. I don’t like objectivity. It should be banned. I don’t like justice. It should be banned. I don’t like Western Civilization. It should be banned.

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Lindsey Croft

Unpaid intern. Cousin to senior NPC Daily reporter Neville Percival Croft, Lindsey aspires to run for Congress just as soon as she is old enough. Everything on this site is satire.

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