Star Wars director reveals that Palpatine and Kylo Ren were in a sexual relationship all along

A wonderful new relationship in a galaxy far far away

Written by Neville Percival Croft

We all know how sparsely populated Hollywood is when it comes to JLGBTQIA+ folks. Rarely do we see a pair of star crossed transgender or otherkin lovers receiving the representation they desperately need on our screens. Well things seem to be looking up. In a stunning turn of events, Rise of Skywalker director JJ Abrams came out and revealed to our eager journalists that Palpatine did indeed have an intensely sexual relationship with Kylo Ren!

Kylo Ren wanted to let the last die, so he forged a loving new future with Palpatine.

See: George Lucas reveals that Emperor Palpatine was secretly gay the whole time

We met with a die hard Star Wars fan who has just recently found out this news to see what sme thinks about the situation.

I as a transgender gay woman of color felt so included when I found out that Palpatine was gay. It really transformed my view of the movie and made me feel included. It was at that moment that I became a Star Wars fan. I was so inspired that I legally changed my last name to Palpatine.

  • Shaqueesha Palpatine (sme/smir), 25, Professional activist of color.

As revealed by J.J. Abrams, Palpatine was previously in a relationship with Supreme Leader Snoke who actually underwent transgender surgery to become a woman. The purpose of this transition was so that Snoke zirself could be pregnant with Palpatine’s child! Consequently zirs death really hit him hard and poor Palpatine thought he would never recover. That is until he met Kylo Ren. Kylo was quite the fan of Palpatine’s unlimited power and so he desired to see more of this Sith temptress’ dark side.

This dynamic pair of lovers met when Palpatine rescued Kylo Ren from Starkiller base and they were very close friends ever since. J.J. Abrams himself even alluded to them possibly having a very flirtatious affair behind Snoke’s back.S was aware of this and hated his son for being gay. That is why he sent Kylo Ren away in the first place. Honestly, I don’t blame Kylo for killing his homophobic, straight white father for his bigoted ways. Another win for the JLBGTQIA+ community.

All we can hope for is to see Kylo and Palpatine warm our hearts by kissing passionately in the movie. That would go down in the greatest moments of cinema history.

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.

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