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Ask Neville

Did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself? – Ask Neville

“I’m planning a trip to San Francisco with the missus. Are the hotel bathrooms generally equipped with toilets, or does local custom require us to shit in the middle of the street?”

It’s massively important to familiarize yourself with the culture of San Francisco and so I would highly recommend defecating in the middle of the streets. After all, you don’t want to make the locals feel uneasy with your presence. Life is about being inclusive, and its massively important you and your theyfriend do that by taking a nice big dump in the lawn of an old white male.

“Who killed Jeffrey Epstein?”

Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. Moving along…

“If I live in one congressional district and work in another, does that mean I get to vote in both?”

In an ideal world that would be the case. However we live under the Drumpf regime, and consequently everyone across the world is having their rights stripped away. The sooner we vote in genius socialist minds the better. Then and only then will people across the world finally get to decide the fate of the world by voting in US elections.

“Dear Mx. Croft,

Uncle Ellsworth said to ask you why architects take credit for buildings when they never seem to build anything.”

Architects are typically old, straight, white, and male. Therefore they make it their mission to seize any credit that would otherwise be given to lower class persyns and minorities. These despicable monsters are ruthless tyrants and need re-education immediately! FRICK THOSE FRICKING NAZIS!

Have a question? Click HERE to Ask Neville and your question could be answered in the next Ask Neville column!

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Neville Croft

Neville Percival Croft is a brave, bold and daring reporter for NPC Daily after being laid off from BuzzFeed because of xirs apparently "overtly communist views". Nonetheless, Neville is a unique, freethinking individual that brings lots of cards to the table such as xirs ability to smash the patriarchy in less than 10 minutes and xirs prestigious Gender Studies degree helps xir to critically analyse and report in a completely unbiased fashion. Also, xe is a proud Greysexual Novigender and has a moderate soy latte addiction. Please never assume xirs gender. This entire site is satire.
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