Politics

It’s time to admit that the science is on Amy Klobuchar’s side

We'd like to see how Donald Trump's hair would fare in a blizzard

Alt-right provocateur and Chief Creative Officer for Turning Point USA Benny Johnson has finally realized the error of his ways and is now undergoing a process of deradicalization that includes watching copious amounts of MSNBC and injecting soy directly into his testicles.

READ: Tim Pool shows up to Social Media Summit at the White House wearing beanie

Benny Johnson rose to notoriety during the Brett Kavanaugh inquisition due to his abject refusal to believe womxyzn over evidence. He fell further down the rabbit hole after snapping this hateful photograph of South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham (also a misogynist), which would be used to radicalize billions of white males into the far right and firmly establish the senator among the pantheon of #Cult45:

Just as Christianity is an offshoot of Judaism and Buddhism stems from Hinduism, the Trump cult would eventually give rise to a band of Lindsey Graham worshipers — but thereby hangs a tale outside the scope of this article.

Just when it seemed Benny Johnson was beyond all hope of redemption, he came across the following tweet from presidential front runner Amy Klobuchar (a moderate Democrat who wants to give healthcare to illegals), known for her wit as well as her beauty:

Suddenly Benny began to question the wisdom of worshiping Donald Trump as some kind of god emperor. What if Orange Man really were as bad as they say? Would that not be grounds enough for impeachment?

READ: Trump announces intent to crown himself God Emperor after second term

READ: It’s time to admit that “Orange Man Bad” is the only legitimate reason for impeachment

That very night, Benny tuned into the Democratic debate, and the sweet croon of Amy’s voice was reassurance enough that Donald Trump is literally worse than Hitler and climate change is going to kill us all.

Now Benny is on a quest to help Amy Klobuchar secure the Democratic nomination. Because Edgy Amy (as she is known to her supporters) is the ONLY Democrat who has what it takes to defeat Trump.

The science is on her side, she carries a comb that doubles as a salad fork, and she isn’t afraid to use a bit of humor. She has already come up with a clever nickname for Donald Trump, one that is sure to shut him down on the debate stage: Mr. Umbrella Man! 😆 😂 🤣

With such an arsenal of impromptu retorts at her command, surely Edgy Amy should be the Democratic nominee.

Staff Writer

One of our wage slave writers contracted with NPC Daily. Repeat after me - orange man bad. Everything on this site is satire.

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