The duly-elected President of North Korea has joined his Iranian counterpart in formally endorsing Bernie Sanders, reports male feminist vlogger Mx. Obvious, whose YouTube channel has been repeatedly suppressed and demonitized due to his own unwavering support for the only Democratic candidate who isn’t a raging conservative.
“YouTube continues to prop up right-wing Democrats like Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren,” he explains. “As a radical centrist whose primary concerns are opening our borders and giving free healthcare to persyns of illegal, Bernie is the only candidate who truly speaks to me.”
When reminded that every Democratic candidate supports taxpayer-funded healthcare for illegals, Mx. Obvious replies: “Yeah, but look at their platforms on education. Elizabeth Warren wants to buy your vote with free college, but Bernie is also offering re-education camps for Trump supporters. That takes heart, my friend.”
Senator Sanders indeed appears to enjoy a wide range of support across the political spectrum, with Democrats and socialists and Democratic Socialists and National Socialists and international socialists speaking out in favor of a Bernie Sanders presidency. Some of these people are even eligible to vote in U.S. elections.
NPC Daily attempted reach to out to the Bernie Sanders campaign to inquire which of these endorsements they might be using in future campaign ads, only to discover that Bernie’s entire communications team had locked down zheir Twitter accounts following that nasty business with Project Veritas.
Senior NPC Daily reporter Quinn Barton was dispatched to obtain a statement directly from the regional office, only her fellow comrades failed to recognize her without black bloc attire and attempted to have her arrested. Comrade coworker Quinn now stands accused of assaulting several police officers and creating a public disturbance. Fortunately for Quinn, her attorney Andy Kuntz has never lost a case.
NPC Daily deeply regrets any inconvenience we may have caused the Bernie Sanders campaign. We now realize it would have been far more appropriate to have sent brave millennial reporter Jared Michelle in Mx. Barton’s place.
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